Album Review - Eurovision Song Contest Copenhagen 2014

Another year, another Eurovision, and another strong, diverse selection of songs. Plus, of course, the odd stinker.

 

Disc: 1

1. One Night's Anger - Hersi  (Albania) 
   A rather inoffensive Celtic ballad that builds and builds to a nicely rocky climax. The vocals are somewhat unusual, but the melody is strong.

2. Not Alone - Aram MP3  (Armenia) 
   The bookies' favourite begins as a rather nondescript, repetitive ballad but gradually builds to a full-on dupstep climax. For me, there are far stronger ballads this year, but it's pretty good and Aram sings very well.

3. Rise Like A Phoenix - Conchita Wurst  (Austria) 
   The Bond theme that never was. Think Diamonds Are Forever for the 21st Century, performed by a bearded drag queen. Fabulous.

4. Start A Fire - Dilara Kazimova  (Azerbaijan) 
   A surprisingly forgettable entry from the Azeris this year, it's a piano-led, female-vocal ballad. It's all very lovely and Dilara's voice is gorgeous, but you won't be humming it afterwards.

5. Mother - Axel Hirsoux  (Belgium) 
   A big, emotional ballad sung by a cross between Paul Potts and Rik Waller.

6. Cheesecake - Teo  (Belarus) 
   Finally, we move away from the ballads. What we do get, however, is a Robin Thicke-style sleazefest. It has a distinctive, modern RnB vibe but the silly lyrics do more harm than good.

7. Hunter Of Stars - Sebalter  (Switzerland) 
   This is the first of many folk/country/bluegrass entries this year. This one's up-tempo, with a very catchy, whistled hook.

8. Is It Right - Elaiza  (Germany) 
   A somewhat stompy mid-tempo song that has a unique sound in this year's selection. Elaiza has a terrific voice, very reminiscent of P!nk.

9. Cliché Love Song - Basim  (Denmark) 
   Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be Bruno Mars. A song that definitely lives up to its title, we kick things off with a "scooby-dooby-dap-dap-diddy-die" in a seriously divisive, cheesy retro song that I simply adore. Douze points.

10. Amazing - Tanja  (Estonia) 
    It's quite a surprise to make it to song 10 before we get to the first truly up-tempo track that's pure Europop. And it's fab. There have been complaints that it sounds a lot like 2012 winner Euphoria, but it's different enough to me.

11. Dancing In The Rain - Ruth Lorenzo  (Spain) 
    Yes, it's the former contestant from The X Factor (UK) with the very big voice. She treats us to a rather magnificent mid-tempo ballad (think Beyonce's Halo in Spanglish) and her vocals are phenomenal.

12. Something Better - Softengine  (Finland) 
    The increasingly-rare sight of a rock act at Eurovision comes this year courtesy of these teenagers. Of course, by "rock" we're talking more Busted than Iron Maiden. But it was first of this year's songs to get stuck in my head.

13. Moustache - TWIN TWIN  (France) 
    If this was given to radio stations and credited to Pitbull, it would be played constantly and almost a dead-cert as a Number 1. That's not necessarily intended as a compliment, but it's catchy as hell, even though it's sung in French.

14. Children Of The Universe - Molly  (UK) 
    A lot of people are declaring this the UK's second coming to Eurovision, and it has echoes of Frances Ruffelle's UK entry from 20 years ago, Lonely Symphony. Yes, it has a contemporary sound, but not really one you'd hear on Radio 1. When the BBC playlist Eurovision songs, especially ones they've picked with no public consultation, then I'll believe they're taking it seriously. That said, I like it.

15. Three Minutes To Earth - The Shin and Mariko  (Georgia) 
    This year's "WTF?" entry. The rambling, yodelling introduction goes on for far too long, and things don't improve once the Shakira-esque vocals kick in. Three Minutes In Hell, more like. Nul points.

16. Rise Up - Freaky Fortune feat. RiskyKidd  (Greece) 
    Don't be fooled by the old-fashioned traditional-sounding funeral march of an intro. This quickly transforms in to a modern, dancey up-tempo mix of synth sounds and trumpets (think Sam and the Womp). Again, not necessarily a compliment, but it's repetitive enough to be memorable.

17. Running - András Kállay-Saunders  (Hungary) 
    A rather downbeat ballad about an abused child suddenly kicks into an up-tempo drum n bass chorus that's catchy in a good way, whilst managing to avoid a shift in tone.

18. Heartbeat - Can-Linn feat. Kasey Smith  (Ireland) 
    The winner of this year's "Let's Copy Last Year's Winner" award is passed from Germany to Ireland. Although, to be fair, the Celtic sounds are more synonymous with Irish Eurovision entries than Danish ones, so you can certainly forgive them for this catchy, upbeat pop track decorated with thumping drums and fiddles. Still sounds like Only Teardrops though.

19. Same Heart - Mei Finegold  (Israel) 
    Israel takes the rock-chick approach this year, with this ballsy, bilingual, up-tempo number.

Disc: 2

1. No Prejudice - Pollapönk  (Iceland) 
   Eurovision goes punk! Well, sort of. At times, it has that early-80s/Arctic Monkeys feel of a song that was recorded in someone's garage. However, these guys clearly don't take themselves too seriously as this fun, up-tempo rocker puts its serious message forward in a humorous way. Take THAT, Russia!

2. La Mia Città - Emma Marrone  (Italy) 
   Italy also takes the rock-chick approach this year, also with an up-tempo ballsy number. In Italian.

3. Attention - Vilija Mataciunaite  (Lithuania)
   Screechy, horrid electro-pop that has been over-produced as much as possible as if to actually hide the non-existent song. Ugh.

4. Cake To Bake - Aarzemnieki  (Latvia) 
   Adorably silly, folksy ditty about a guy who can do anything, except bake a cake. Bizarre, catchy and loads of fun.

5. Wild Soul - Crisitina Scarlat  (Moldova) 
   A pretty non-existent and forgettable song is drowned in production in a way that actually works. Great vocals too.

6. Moj Svijet - Sergej Cetkovic  (Montenegro) 
   A lovely mid-tempo Celtic ballad, full of lush strings, pan pipes, crashing drums and beautiful vocals. If THIS was the favourite, I'd understand better.

7. To The Sky - Tijana  (Macedonia) 
   Another over-produced track that disguises a song with a lot of potential. As it is, it's pretty good, but gets a bit muddled around the second half.

8. Coming Home - Firelight  (Malta) 
   A refreshing, breezy, rather moving folksy semi-acoustic number that evokes Mumford & Sons and Gary Barlow's Let Me Go. I love it.

9. Calm After The Storm - The Common Linnets  (Netherlands) 
   As nondescript as a song can get, it's a pretty dour goes-nowhere country ballad. That said, it's far from terrible, and makes for a pleasant, if forgettable three minutes.

10. Silent Storm - Carl Espen  (Norway) 
    Now if you're going to do a dour, goes-nowhere ballad, THIS is how you do it. A stand-out, for the right reasons. Simple, yet moving and very powerful.

11. My Slowianie - We Are Slavic - Donatan & Cleo  (Poland) 
    Ouch, my ears. Screechy, irritating, shouty and painful to listen to. The English version is much more tolerable, and could even pass muster as a Beyoncé song (again, not necessarily a compliment.) But this bilingual version is just horrid.

12. Quero Ser Tua - Suzy (Portugal) 
    With its full-on Latin rhythms, this track has a pure Mardi Gras party vibe. Whilst my Portuguese isn't strong enough for me to have any idea what she's singing, there plenty of whoa-oh-ohs to sing a long to.

13. Miracle - Paula Seling & Ovi (Romania) 
    Having scored Romania's best result in 2010 (third), the duo are back with a lesser, but still strong up-tempo dance/pop song.

14. Shine - Tolmachevy Sisters  (Russia) 
    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. It's an insipid ballad sung in unison by two evidently immature voices. Nothing special, at all. Which is just as well, as if it is indeed "all political", Russia are surely getting no votes this year. "Telling all the world to show some love..." F*** you, Russia. You first.

15. Undo - Sanna Nielsen  (Sweden) 
    A big, produced ballad, complete with the obligatory "doosh... key change" moment. Still pretty good though, despite the poor grammar. "Undo my sad", indeed.

16. Spet/Round And Round - Tinkara Kovač (Slovenia) 
    Another bilingual, Celtic-inspired song with flutes and seductive rhythms, this is a real grower. It's songs like this that make me love Eurovison, as it's not the kind of thing I'm likely to hear anywhere else.

17. Maybe (Forse) - Valentina Monetta  (San Marino) 
    Back for the third consecutive year, Valentina enters a carbon-copy of her entry from last year, Chrysalide. It's not offensive, and builds nicely as it shifts from ballad to something more up-tempo. However, it is difficult to imagine anybody getting excited about it.

18. Tick-Tock - Mariya Yaremchuk (Ukraine)
    A surprisingly weak effort from the usually reliable Ukraine, but this upbeat, poppy song is still strong enough to be in the better half.

19. Rainmaker - Emmelie de Forest  (Bonus, Denmark) 
    Not a contender in this year's competition, just a bonus track that's this year's "theme" song, courtesy of last year's winner. It's not a million miles away from Only Teardrops either, but is certainly better than Loreen's 2013 theme, We Have The Power.

Album Review - Eurovision Song Contest, Malmo 2013

I say it every year, but it's that time of year again.

1 Albania - Identitet - Adrian Lulgjuraj, Bledar Sejko
The album kicks off with the only true rock song of the contest. The gruff vocals of the first singer are a bit off-putting, followed by the equally off-putting strained vocals of the second. However, the music track is nicely produced, with a pretty interesting, jangly refrain, and the chorus is rather rousing.

2 Armenia - Lonely Planet - Dorians
Co-written by Tommy Iommi of Black Sabbath fame, this is a surprisingly insipid ballad with clichéd lyrics and feeble vocals. By no means dreadful, but one I'm unlikely to listen to after the contest.

3 Austria - Shine - Natália Kelly
A thumping, stompy production kicks things off, and the vocals are strong. The melody and lyrics ensure that the chorus is suitably singalong, but it doesn't really do anything special or go anywhere interesting.

4 Azerbaijan - Hold Me - Farid Mammadov
Azerbaijan have certainly found their Eurovision formula and are sticking to it, i.e. big ballad (usually written by a Swede). This year's is one of their weakest yet, bearing an ill-advised key change that sounds conspicuous, rather than rousing. The vocals don't really get much better than adequate... and yet it all still kind of works.

5 Belgium - Love Kills - Roberto Bellarosa
Absolutely my cup of tea. A lively, melodic song that builds and builds with a production that really sells the song, especially when the rather weak vocalist can't.

6 Bulgaria - Samo Shampioni (Only Champions) - Elitsa Todorova, Stoyan Yankoulov
Thumping (though fake-sounding) drums accompany a repetitive electronic riff and ethnic instruments as they fire headlong into the extremely catchy chorus that you will be singing along to by the end. Unfortunately, that's not a good thing, as the melody is exceptionally irritating.

7 Belarus - Solayoh - Alyona Lanskaya
On first listen, I couldn't help but hear the similaities between Ukraine's winner, Wild Dances, as its distinctive drum patterns sound shockingly familiar. However, once you get over that, you actually get a pretty decent example of one of those ethnic pop songs you only hear in Eurovision. This one you won't mind singing along to.

8 Switzerland - You And Me - Takasa
Off to a flying start with its pounding drums, guitar riff and chants of "Hey!", this is another of my favourites with its rather pleasant, rousing singalong chorus and sweet, feel-good lyrics.

9 Cyprus - An Me Thimáse - Despina Olympiou
Every contest has more than its fair share of female-led ballads, and this year's is no exception. Here is the first, and it's arguably the most anonymous of them. Sweet, melodic, but not especially memorable, it's a pleasant three minutes but even the obligatory key change can't save this from obscurity.

10 Germany - Glorious - Cascada
Cascada give us pretty much exactly what you'd expect from Cascada- a thumping, catchy dance track that'll get you moving and singing along. Yes, it's almost identical to last year's winner, Euphoria, but that's far from a bad thing.

11 Denmark - Only Teardrops - Emmelie de Forest
Tin whistles, thumping Celtic drums, and pleas for world peace. It doesn't get more Eurovision than that, and Denmark continue their run of very strong entries with this irresistible song.

12 Estonia - Et Uus Saaks Alguse - Birgit Öigemeel
Of the anonymous female-led ballads, this is probably my favourite. Her voice is gorgeous, the production fits the melody like a glove and bears a heart-stopping break towards the end that shows how a key change should be done.

13 Spain - Constigo Hasta El Final (With You Until The End) - ESDM
Truly insipid, but inoffensive. Next...

14 Finland - Marry Me - Krista Siegfrids
Cheesy, trashy, catchy. Great fun. This is another "typical Eurovision" song that's very different from the other "typical Eurovision" songs this year. There are plenty of memorable moments to keep this one in your head.

15 France - L'Enfer Et Moi - Amandine Bourgeois
A nice breath of fresh air, this one. More pounding drums, but this one leads into a sensual, mature, mid-tempo ballad that just screams of Girl Power. It builds into a bit of a cacophony towards the end, but makes up for it in its final moments.

16 United Kingdom - Believe In Me - Bonnie Tyler
I always find it difficult being objective about the UK entry, and this year's is no exception. It's definitely the kind of song I would adore with or without Eurovision, and I love Bonnie's distinctive vocals. A nice country-esque, laid back ballad that should get you swaying along.

17 Georgia - Waterfall - Nodi Tatishvili, Sophie Gelovani
Pure Euovision cheese, by the numbers. And I absolutely love it. Big Eurovision ballads don't come bigger or more Eurovision than this finely-crafted duet. It may be too mechanical for some, but it's the kind of song I tune into Eurovision to hear.

18 Greece - Alcohol is Free - Koza Mostra, Agathon Iakovidis
I can't quite work out if they're serious or not. It begins with a traditional Greek influence before switching to an old-school two-tone ska vibe. A definite challenger for my nil points.

19 Croatia - Mižerja - Klapa s Mora
This is a pretty glossy, classy, sub-operatic number sung Il Divo-style by a male vocal group. One for the nans. Nice.

20 Hungary - Kedvesem (Zoohacker Remix) - ByeAlex
One of those songs you could easily dismiss on first listen, but it's repetitive, insanely catchy, and a real grower. It's let down by the gruff vocals of the male singer, but has oodles of laid-back charm.

21 Ireland - Only Love Survives - Ryan Dolan
Again with the drums, along with a pounding pop-dance production. Reminds me a bit of Sweden's "Popular" from a few years ago. It's nothing spectacularly memorable, but has more than its fair share of hooks.

22 Israel - Rak Bishvilo - Moran Mazor
We're back on the female ballads, and back down the drearier end. But it's still a strong song, and surprisingly capable of a singalong for a song in an unfamiliar language.

23 Iceland - Ég á Líf - Eyþór Ingi Gunnlaugsson
One of the few male-led ballads, this one falls somewhere in the middle of this year's pack. You can pretty much tell where it's going as soon as the chorus starts, and it is one of those songs that sounds like a song you've heard before, but can't quite put your finger on where.

24 Italy - L'Essenziale - Marco Mengoni
Another credible entry from Italy, this time a piano-led ballad from a male vocalist that doesn't really go anywhere particularly memorable, but is pleasant enough.

25 Lithuania - Something - Andrius Pojavis
A weird one this. By no means hard on the ears, it's an up-tempo pop number with a rock edge and a pleasant melody. I can't put my finger on why, as there's nothing wrong with the song, but this is instantly forgettable. It's missing... "something".

26 Latvia - Here We Go - PeR
The first of two entries this year where Eurovision does rap, but this one comes with an insanely catchy and memorable chorus that you can not only sing along to, but you get the chance to play a bit of air-trumpet to too. Toot toot.

27 Moldova - O Mie - Aliona Moon
One of the superior female-led ballads, it's strong in melody, has a nicely ethereal piano-led production, and bears some great vocals.

28 Montenegro - Who See - Igranka
Eurovision goes dubstep! For real. Think DJ Fresh's "Louder" and you'll be in the ball park. Except it's not in English, and nowhere near as good.

29 (Former Yugoslavian Republic of) Macedonia - Pred Da Se Razdeni - Esma & Lozano
This begins as a rather lovely male-led ballad. Then it all goes horribly wrong, as the female vocalist starts her literal wailing. Basically, this is two incongruous songs joined together. Poorly. And only one of them is any good.

30 Malta - Tomorrow - Gianluca Bezzina
A sweet, irresistible ukulele-led up-tempo ballad. Think Jack Johnson meets Jason Mraz. Another grower.

31 Netherlands - Birds - Anouk
A female-led ballad, but one that's very, VERY different from the others. In that the vocals are like nails on a blackboard, the melody is a dreary, jazzy affair and the lyrics are beyond stupid. Hideous.

32 Norway - I Feed You My Love - Margaret Berger
Straight out of the gate, its buzzy production gets right in your face as the somewhat sweet female vocals float playfully over the top, before bursting into a killer chorus. Yes, the lyrics are a bit bizarre but I kind of like how alienating this song will be to many.

33 Romania - It's My Life - Cezar
This one needs to be heard to be believed. At first, it sounds like the vocalist is struggling to hit the low notes. But fear not- pretty rapidly, the pitch goes up. And up. And up. And then stays there. And as if the struggling operatic falsetto wasn't bizarre enough (and it certainly is), the whole thing is put to a very computerised pop-dance track. The resulting incongruous fusion only cheapens what could have been a pretty decent song, and makes a well-respected operatic vocalist sounding like he can't sing. A car crash.

34 Serbia - Ljubav Je Svuda - Moje 3
I can see what they're trying to do, but they just don't quite get there. I'm sure that there may be a fun pop song hidden in there somewhere, but it's well buried under some screechy and irritating vocals.

35 Russia - What If - Dina Garipova
A truly cloying female-led ballad about peace. From Russia. With (insincere) love. Actually, it's pretty good.

36 Sweden - You - Robin Stjernberg
By no means subtle, this one starts off like an acoustic mid-tempo track before exploding into a massive singalong dance anthem. It may be a bit on the shouty side for many, but I love it.

37 Slovenia - Straight Into Love - Hannah
More in-your-face, buzzy pop production, this one builds nicely with its verses before arriving at its hugely disappointing chorus- one that manages to be even more disappointing second time around. The female vocals become little more than random screeching by the end.

38 San Marino - Crisalide (Vola) - Valentina Monetta
A classy, female-led ballad, this one doesn't really do anything special for me, even when it takes an unexpected (though not unwelcome) gear shift in its final third.

39 Ukraine - Gravity - Zlata Ognevich
And last, but by no means least, we have Ukraine. One of those countries to watch since their arrival just a decade ago, they're back with one of their strongest entries yet. A massively produced mid-tempo ballad, it falls somewhere between a West End musical number and a Disney ballad, complete with African-chant-style backing vocals and some absolutely phenomenal vocals from Zlata. This girl can SING! And, most importantly, chooses to do so without resorting to the hideous post-Mariah yodelling that has become the norm. We have ended on a high.

Album Review - Eurovision Song Contest Baku 2012

It's that time of year again...

1. Rona Nishliu - Suus (Albania)
There are a lot of rather anonymous ballads this year, and it doesn't get much more anonymous than this. Whilst there's little that's offensive going on here, there's nothing especially memorable either. We do get a bit of Björk-esque wailing, but the song couldn't be more different from her music.

2. Trackshittaz - Woki Mit Deim Popo (Austria)
With the "w" pronounced as a "v" this sounds like an inappropriate usage of faeces, but I'm reliably informed it translates as "shake your bum". As rap entries go, this one is infuriatingly catchy. The chorus is hugely memorable and the insistent beat is somewhat infectious. It's absolutely terrible, of course, and yet I can't help but smile and chant along every time. (Woop! Woop!)

3. Sabina Babayeva - When The Music Dies (Azerbaijan)
Reigning champions Azerbaijan opt for yet another ballad, but this one is not quite up to their recent standard. It starts off in a lower register that doesn't sound altogether pleasant, but does build to a rousing chorus featuring a refrain of "cold, cold, cold" that could get stuck in your head.

4. Maya Sar - Korake Ti Znam (Bosnia & Herzegovina)
Yet another ballad, and yet another one of the more forgettable ones. I'd elaborate, but there is little distinctive about it. It has some Celtic pan pipes towards the end, if that helps.

5. Iris - Would You (Belgium)
Iris, bless her, doesn't have the greatest voice in the world, and this ballad might be amazing in the hands of a true powerhouse vocalist. Whilst it's definitely one of the more melodic ballads, it doesn't make enough of an impact on first listen, but it is a grower.

6. Sofi Marinova - Love Unlimited (Bulgaria)
Featuring the kind of production that was in vogue at the turn of the millennium, this dance track might sound great in a club, and is certainly one of the more contemporary-sounding songs that wouldn't sound out of place in the charts. Think Inna.

7. Litesound - We Are The Heroes (Belarus)
Beginning with a ballad fake-out, this soon turns into a pop-dance floor filler with a rousing, singalong chorus. I recommend hunting down the original, rockier mix that was far superior.

8. Sinplus - Unbreakable (Switzerland)
The first of this year's pop-rock anthems (now, anyway), it's pretty catchy in a blandly enjoyable kind of way that may find itself lodged in your head.

9. Ivi Adamou - La La Love (Cyprus)
One of the strongest tracks this year, it's a real club-thumping stomper of a track that wouldn't sound out of place on a Rihanna album. Deserves to be a huge chart hit.

10. Roman Lob - Standing Still (Germany)
One of the stronger slow tracks, it begins as a mid-tempo piano ballad that builds nicely with a slight rock edge. Definitely one of this year's more credible tracks.

11. Soluna Samay - Should've Known Better (Denmark)
This mid-tempo acoustic ballad is instantly catchy. Think Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn", and you'll be in the ball park. It's only let down a little by the mid-section when the rather lovely chorus wanders away, but it's one of my favourites.

12. Ott Lepland - Kuula (Estonia)
A full-on piano ballad, but the first with a male vocal. It's on the stronger end of the scale than most of its ballad competitors.

13. Pastora Soler - Quédate Conmigo (Stay With Me) (Spain)
Arguably the biggest of this year's big ballads, Soler sings her heart out with a song that's full of drama and big notes and a chorus even an Anglophone can sing along to.

14. Pernilla - När Jag Blundar (Finland)
A rather lovely little waltzy ballad, there's little memorable about this one, but it's definitely at worst a pleasant distraction.

15. Anggun - Echo (You and I) (France)
A rather catchy if unremarkable up-tempo pop song with a memorable whistled hook. The song is a little schizophrenic in its production and tempo, but has a familiar feel. Despite its title, it's sung mostly in French.

16. Engelbert Humperdinck - Love Will Set You Free (UK)
The controversial British entry is actually a decent acoustic ballad with a playful melody and strong vocals from "The Hump". Whilst I can't say it makes a huge impact, I can't deny that I enjoy it when it's on.

17. Anri Jokhadze - I'm A Joker (Georgia)
Deep sigh. Here we go. It's one of THOSE Eurovision songs that drags the contest into disrepute and deserves disappear into the anus of forgotten entries. Little more than a list of dreadfully tenuous rhymes with "joker", he's clearly having a ball at a party I can't wait to leave.

18. Eleftheria Eleftheriou - Aphrodisiac (Greece)
One of the more memorable and credible club anthems, but with a sprinkling of Eastern vibes, it's like the best song Shakira never recorded, but with less irritating vocals. Its "oh-oh-oh-oh-oh" chorus would also sound great on a dancefloor. Another favourite of mine, it does indeed make me dance, dance like a maniac.

19. Nina Badric - Nebo (Croatia)
In a year of many ballads, good and bad, this falls somewhere in the middle. The song's hook largely falls onto some background bell chimes in the chorus. Beginning with a weak, sparse intro, it soon builds and builds to hugely rousing, choral climax.

20. Compact Disco - Sound Of Our Hearts (Hungary)
My personal favourite of this year's ballads, the production reminds me a lot of Madonna's "The Power of Good-bye". Some might consider it bland, generic and over-familiar, but there's nothing wrong with that. Love it.

21. Jedward - Waterline (Ireland)
Let's face it, last year's "Lipstick" was pure genius. 5 seconds in, it was stuck in your head. This is a far more generic pop-rock song and its lack of gimmicks make it much less memorable. But it's Jedward, so I'm sure they'll find some way to stick in people's minds, as the song surely won't.

22. Izabo - Time (Israel)
Much like last year's Sebian entry, this captures that '60s Carnaby Street vibe, but with a sprinkling of '90s Britpop. In other words, it's as irritating as it is catchy. Which is very.

23. Greta Salóme & Jónsi - Never Forget (Iceland)
An epic Celtic ballad whose production instantly conjures mental images of forests, swords, fur coats and leather trousers. The specific melody may not stick in your head, but it will surely be remembered as "that Game of Thrones-y one I quite liked". Very strong.

24. Nina Zilli - L'Amore E' Femmina (Out Of Love) (Italy)
Instantly infectious, it mixes a ballsy attitude with a retro vibe to great effect. Think the perfect blend of Sandie Shaw and Amy Winehouse.

25. Donny Montell - Love Is Blind (Lithuania)
A bit of a mess, to put it mildly. Jumping around in style, from ballad to poor '90s disco production and back again, you can't help but feel there's a song in there somewhere trying to get out, but failing. By no means terrible, but I don't know what Lithuania were thinking entering this.

26. Anmary - Beautiful Song (Latvia)
There's something oddly sweet about the sentiment of this song, hoping that if she wins she (and the song) will become hugely successful. Neither is going to happen, but there is a rather lovely melody in there. Unfortunately something has become lost in the execution, and the weak vocals aren't helping.

27. Pasha Parfeny - Lautar (Moldova)
An odd title for a song in English (unless it's a person's name?) this should have been called Trumpet, and is one of those Eurovision songs that would never ever chart in the UK, and whilst it definitely doesn't even make my top 20 it does have a certain inexplicable appeal.

28. Rambo Amadeus - Euro Neuro (Montenegro)
This sounds like an old man grumbling over the bassline from Chemical Brothers' "Block Rocking Beats". There is very little singing involved, if any. Hands-down the worst song this year.

29. Kaliopi - Crno I Belo (FYR Macedonia)
Back to the anonymous female-led piano ballads. At least this one makes an ill-advised rockout in the second half that comes out of nowhere and disappears just as suddenly.

30. Kurt Calleja - This Is The Night (Malta)
Starting off promising, this has some nice chords and builds nicely to a hugely disappointing chorus. It almost redeems itself with a rather catchy "hey-ey-ey-ey-e-yay" refrain, but not quite.

31. Joan Franka - You And Me (Netherlands)
A folksy, acoustic song with a light country vibe, it has oodles of charm and I defy you to listen without swaying or rocking your shoulders.

32. Tooji - Stay (Norway)
Bits of this song are ace, in particular the bridge and the first half of the chorus, but the very irritating production throws in these horrid buzzes and alarm-like synth noises that stop me from loving this as much as I otherwise might.

33. Filipa Sousa - Vida Minha (Portugal)
The anonymous ballads resume. This one has more of an Eastern vibe, but is no more memorable for it.

34. Mandinga - Zaleilah (Romania)
Daft, gimmicky, playful and insanely catchy. Horns and accordions over a dance beat, it's a fine slice of Eurovision cheese.

35. Zeljko Joksimovic - Nije Ljubav Stvar (Serbia)
With a melody that reminds me of Coldplay's "Paradise" at times, this male-fronted piano ballad is full of Eastern promise, featuring a string-laden, thumping production.

36. Buranovskiye Babushki (Buranovo Grannies) - Party For Everybody (Russia)
Ask most people in the UK what they expect from Eurovision, and this will likely be what springs to mind. Beginning promisingly with a Lion King-like chant, it soon deteriorates out of nowhere into an excruciating pop-Cossack crossover that you will NOT get out of your head. But in a very bad way. UK voters will love it, in a rubbernecking-a-car-crash kind of way.

37. Loreen - Euphoria (Sweden)
Now we're talking. With David Guetta consistently riding high in the UK singles chart, why this hasn't been picked up by radio and become a monster hit in the UK already mystifies me. Easily the best entry this year, this could potentially give Eurovision music some much-needed credibility with British music buyers. The best example this year of a stomping club anthem, I'd love to see this fly u-u-u-u-u-u-up the UK charts.

38. Eva Boto - Verjamem (Slovenia)
And we arrive at the final ballad, and this one builds and builds. Throwing in harps, flutes, a military beat, and some VERY big notes, it ends just as you feel it's starting to go somewhere.

39. Max Jason Mai - Don't Close Your Eyes (Slovakia)
Eurovision goes Emo! Sounding like across between 30 Seconds to Mars and Panic at the Disco, the song has a rather melodic chorus, wrapped up in heavy guitars and wailing vocals. I have mixed feelings about it.

40. Valentina Monetta - The Social Network Song (Oh Oh - Uh - Oh Oh) (San Marino)
Originally titled "Facebook", this had to be re-recorded for breaching rules about advertising trademarked names. So "Facebook" was replaced with "Woah-oh"s and "hello"s, but I can't say the song has suffered any, as it was pretty dreadful to begin with. Valentina's inept vocals are smothered in auto tune and she's clearly at least double the age of the character she appears to be playing in a song full of cheap innuendo. Inappropriate, creepy, cheesy and just plain wrong.

41. Can Bonomo - Love Me Back (Turkey)
A sea shanty stretched out far beyond its welcome, this is simply fucking awful. But still not as bad as Euro Neuro. "Like me like I like you and say na na na na ne na ne na." Poetry.

42. Gaitana - Be My Guest (Ukraine)
Gaitana's vocals are very reminiscent of Anastacia's, and the song is all fun, positivity and P.A.R.T.Y. It's a singalong Anthem with a capital A, ending the album on a definite high.

Album Review - Madonna, "MDNA"

It's been four long years since Madonna's last full studio album, Hard Candy, and bar a few bonus tracks on hits compilation Celebration, there's been a bit of a drought for Madonna fans, leaving a Lady Gaga-sized gap in the market.

The "comeback" album, MDNA, opens with its second single, Girl Gone Wild, and the tone of what is to come is set up rather accurately. This is not Madonna as we've known her before. A treble-heavy, squelchy techno score sets the backdrop for almost every track. This album makes her previously most experimental phase (Music/American Life) sound positively bubblegum. This is no invitation to get Into The Groove. She wants you to get off your tits. It's more hardcore dance than she's ever been before, having collaborated with some of the world's biggest dance producers.

The lyrics inform you that this Madonna not on her best behaviour, and she's revelling in it. She hasn't had his much fun being bad since Erotica 20 years ago. There are some moments of frivolity, but she clearly has a few demons to exorcise.

Girl Gone Wild is clearly one of the Benny Benassi tracks, sounding exactly like every other Benny Benassi track (including his remix of her own Celebration, which, regrettably, was used for the video).

The scene set by the opener is furthered by the next track, the driving, angry, Gang Bang. Relatively tuneless and pretty much going nowhere, it still somehow manages to pack a hefty punch. Whilst it may not be what I've come to expect (nor want) from Madonna, this is not someone simply being lazy. The melodic understatement is clearly intentional, as it's still infuriatingly catchy. Although the shout of "die, bitch!" make me yearn for Thief of Hearts.

She takes the clubby setting one step further with I'm Addicted, in which she chants either MDNA or MDMA (which, I'm reliably informed, is the active chemical of ecstasy). The confusion is clearly no accident, and it's difficult not to get hooked into the track.

Turn Up The Radio is a highlight, and one of the few moments where her familiar pop melodies can be found- and even this sounds more like a remix of a Madonna song than a Madonna song. This one's clearly co-produced by Martin Solveig, reminding me of his massively catchy hits Hello and Ready To Go.

By the time disappointing first single Give Me All Your Luvin' arrives, it's a breath of fresh air; vibrant, melodic and memorable. If only it made as big an impression in isolation as a single. MIA and Nicki Minaj pop up for some urban credibility, but little else.

Some Girls initially returns the album to driving, tuneless pulsating, then suddenly pulls a killer chorus out of its sleeve, and Superstar keeps the singalong melodies coming. Things are looking up.

I Don't Give A gives Nicki Minaj a bit more to do, and sees Madonna in typically reflective mood, herself spitting a rap a la American Life, before the track stops and suddenly builds to an epic, choral climax that sounds like the soundtrack to a Hammer Horror.

I'm A Sinner is clearly a William Orbit production, bearing flashes of Beautiful Stranger and Amazing. It does pale to both by comparison, but is a welcome return to a familiar form.

It sounds like she was playing Tetris whilst recording Love Spent, which features familiar, playful, electronic beeps and bleeps. She clearly isn't happy with Mr. Richie. You feel she is trying desperately to be objective, but considers him an avaricious bastard. Those who pre-ordered the album in iTunes will have had their (heavily required) patience rewarded with a bonus track, an acoustic version of this song. Frankly, it's better.

Masterpiece, the closing ballad (and highlight) of her best-forgotten movie W./E., has its lovely moments, its infectious mix of hand-clappy, acoustic beats and hints of the sweeping orchestral arrangements as brought by Craig Armstrong on the hugely acclaimed Ray of Light album. This is brought out in force in Falling Free, whose positively sparse production, consisting almost entirely of strings, still somehow manages to bear the hallmarks of MDNA. The minimalism showcases her vocals, and they sound gorgeous, delivered with the emotion, authority and sensitivity that I've always loved about her voice.

Eschewing her traditional ballad comedown to close the album, she reminds us she means business with Beautiful Killer, putting the album back into full gear and giving us a nicely meaty vocal melody that wouldn't have sounded out of place between Impressive Instant and Runaway Lover on Music. The closing gunshot ends both the song and the album appropriately. Like it or not, mission accomplished.

There are a few bonus tracks on the Deluxe Edition that deserve a mention.

First up is I Fucked Up. You probably did not assume from the title that it is, in fact, an oddly sweet up-tempo ballad. Not since Nobody's Perfect has she been so honestly contrite, and it's quite heart-breaking, especially towards the end as the tempo and lyrics take a flight of fancy before crashing back to reality. It's actually an album highlight, well deserving of a spot on the main album.

MIA's second appearance, B-Day Song, is simply a piece of crap. The new Happy Birthday To You this is not. Sounding like the lyrics were made up on the spot, it's childish and irritating, and I feel embarrassed just listening to it. I can't believe it was not only recorded, but released.

Best Friend is instantly forgettable, but pleasant enough while it's on, as she finally finds the objectivity that eluded her in Love Spent. Much like I Fucked Up, it's refreshingly respectful to the father of her eldest son.

Welcome back, M. I'm already looking forward hopefully to the next one, but this grower will certainly fill the gap.

Eurovision 2011 Results

For the sake of posterity, here are the results of The Eurovision Song Contest Final 2011.

50% was public televote, 50% was jury votes. This year's sees the biggest discrepancies in the 50/50 system so far. All three results are published here, with stats on how the jury vote affected the public televote.

1. Azerbaijan’s Ell & Nikki with “Running Scared” (221) (public: 1st/jury: 2nd)
2. Italy’s Raphael Gualazzi with “Madness of Love” (189) (public: 11th/jury: 1st)
3. Sweden’s Eric Saade with “Popular” (185) (public: 2nd/jury: 9th)
4. Ukraine’s Mika Newton with “Angel” (159) (public: 4th/jury: 7th)
5. Denmark’s A Friend in London with “New Tomorrow” (134) (public: 18th/jury: 3rd)
6. Bosnia’s Dino Merlin with “Love in Rewind” (125) (public: 6th/jury: 11th)
7. Greece’s Loukas Giorkas feat. Stereo Mike with “Watch My Dance” (120) (public: 3rd/jury: 14th)
8. Ireland’s Jedward with “Lipstick” (119) (public: 10th/jury: 6th)
9. Georgia’s Eldrine with “One More Day” (110) (public: 7th/jury: 17th)
10. Germany’s Lena with “Taken By a Stranger” (107) (public: 9th/jury: 10th)
11. The United Kingdom’s Blue with “I Can” (100) (public: 5th/jury: 22nd)
12. Moldova’s Zdob si Zdub with “So Lucky” (97) (public: 15th/jury: 12th)
13. Slovenia’s Maja Keuc with “No One” (96) (public: 22nd/jury: 4th)
14. Serbia’s Nina with “Caroban” (85) (public: 13th/jury: 8th)
15. France’s Amaury Vassili with “Sognu” (82) (public: 15th/jury: 12th)
16. Russia’s Alexey Vorobyov with “Get You” (77) (public: 8th/jury: 25th)
17. Romania’s Hotel FM with “Change” (77) (public: 14th/jury: 13th)
18. Austria’s Nadine Beiler with “The Secret is Love” (64) (public: 24th/jury: 5th)
19. Lithuania’s Evelina Sašenko with “C’est Ma Vie” (63) (public: 20th/jury: 20th)
20. Iceland’s Sjonni’s Friends with “Coming Home” (61) (public: 19th/jury: 19th)
21. Finland’s Paradise Oskar with “Da Da Dam” (57) (public: 21st/jury: 16th)
22. Hungary’s Kati Wolf with “What About My Dreams?” (53) (public: 17th/jury: 21st)
23. Spain’s Lucia Perez with “Que me quiten lo bailao” (50) (public: 16th/jury: 24th)
24. Estonia’s Getter Jaani with “Rockefeller Street” (44) (public: 23rd/jury: 18th)
25. Switzerland’s Anna Rossinelli with “In Love for a While” (19) (public: 25th/jury: 23rd)

Televoting results

1 Azerbaijan 223
2 Sweden 221
3 Greece 176
4 Ukraine 168
5 United Kingdom 166
6 Bosnia 151
7 Georgia 138
8 Russia 138
9 Germany 113
10 Ireland 101
11 Italy 099
12 Moldova 098
13 Serbia 089
14 Romania 079
15 France 076
16 Spain 073
17 Hungary 064
18 Denmark 061
19 Iceland 060
20 Lithuania 055
21 Finland 047
22 Slovenia 039
23 Estonia 032
24 Austria 025
25 Switzerland 002

Jury results

1 Italy 251
2 Azerbaijan 182
3 Denmark 168
4 Slovenia 160
5 Austria 145
6 Ireland 119
7 Ukraine 117
8 Serbia 111
9 Sweden 106
10 Germany 104
11 Bosnia 090
12 France 090
13 Romania 086
14 Greece 084
15 Moldova 082
16 Finland 075
17 Georgia 079
18 Estonia 074
19 Iceland 072
20 Lithuania 066
21 Hungary 060
22 United Kingdom 057
23 Switzerland 053
24 Spain 038
25 Russia 025

In terms of how much the jury's voting affected the final placings, here are how much they affected each country (six countries' combined positions matched the public vote, but all were affected by the jury vote).

The following 10 countries benefitted from jury voting:
Denmark +13 places
Slovenia +9
Italy +9
Austria +6
Moldova +3
Ireland +2
Lithuania +1
Finland - no change
France - no change
Switzerland - no change

However, the following 15 countries were hindered by the jury voting:
Russia -8 places
Spain -7
UK -6
Greece -4
Romania -3
Georgia -2
Sweden -1
Germany -1
Serbia -1
Iceland -1
Estonia -1
Bosnia - no change
Hungary - no change
Ukraine - no change
Azerbaijan - no change

The Eurovision Song Contest 2011 Final

1. Paradise Oskar - Da Da Dam (Finland)
Not as nonsensical as it sounds- it's actually that Eurovision staple: the save-the-world song. It's a mid-tempo acoustic ballad that increases in production as goes on. Not the strongest voice in the world, however, but it stands out in the same way Tom Dice's "Me and My Guitar" did last year.
A Jeff Brazier lookalike, a guitar, a massive LED globe. A simple, but effective performance for a simple, but effective song. He sang it well, through it did drip of more than a little schmaltz, and came across more than a little smug.

2. Dino Merlin - Love In Rewind (Bosnia & Herzegovina)
A somewhat plodding piano track, lifted with some soaring strings and a nice vocal melody. A grower.
Good use of the LED screen, and they did the best to fill the stage. The vocals weren't quite spot on though, and it just didn't have the impact that the song alone has.

3. A Friend In London - New Tomorrow (Denmark)
An old-school, scarf-waving anthemic ballad with a very familiar melody.
Odd that they've placed a guy with a tall blond quiff on before Jedward. They actually did a decent job of selling the song for me- another one of the few that's moved up on my list.

4. Evelina Sasenko - C'est Ma Vie (Lithuania)
A simple, old-fashioned piano ballad, the kind of thing Ireland kept winning with in the 1990s. Nothing memorable, but sweet enough. It stands out amongst some of the rowdier tracks, but not really in its own right. And, despite its title, it is sung mostly in English.
She sang it very well, but it's still nothing to write home about.

5. Kati Wolf - What About My Dreams? (Hungary)
It's pure Eurovision- high energy, big production, big notes, key changes, repetitive refrains, and a damn catchy chorus. Right up my street, even if it's a bit old school for today's Eurovision. A definite favourite of mine.
Not a fan of the demented facial expressions, the surprising lack of stage presence, the horrid outfit, the disappointing vocals, and the loss of the second verse. But it's a great song. Honest.

6. Jedward - Lipstick (Ireland)
Having failed to even qualify past the semis in recent years, Ireland literally have nothing to lose at this point, and so have entered the truly terrible, talentless twins. Featuring the line "Am I heading for a car crash?" It's jumpy, rowdy, shouty and, although I hate myself for this, I can't get it out of my head. (Whisper it: I quite like it.)
But when performed live... Ah, THAT's the Jedward I remember from X Factor. Phew, I was really worried I'd enjoy that. The outfits were awful, the vocals were worse. Car crash indeed.

7. Eric Saade - Popular (Sweden)
High NRG Euro kitsch, with a critic-baiting title. Very memorable, and great fun. Probably the most "Eurovision" song in the contest this year. After my initial eye-rolling reaction, this has become one of my biggest growers.
The vocals weren't 100% but that performance just shot that song way up my list of favourites. Had no idea what Eric looked like before this, but he gave it his all.

8. Getter Jaani - Rockefeller Street (Estonia)
A nicely quirky pop song that mixes up carnival kitsch with military beats, guitars and a full-on, foot-stomping chorus. In fact, it seems to have three different choruses in one. An oddity, but one of my favourites.
A nicely energetic, colourful performance. But yikes on the voice. Not sure it sold the song in its best light, but still strong enough.

9. Loucas Yiorkas feat. Stereo Mike - Watch My Dance (Greece)
I guess Greece couldn't be bothered this year. A bizarrely-rhythmed mishmash that meanders when it moves outside of the (admittedly rather lovely) chorus, whilst verses are spoken, rather than rapped. In truth, a bit of a mess.
Nicely staged, strong vocals, handsome singer... but it's a very odd song, and the rapper is simply terrible.

10. Alexei Vorobyov - Get You (Russia)
Takes a while to get going, then hits a nicely modern vibe before reaching its air-punching "Oh-oh" chorus. Another slow grower.
You're fit, but my gosh don't you know it. Strong vocals, strong visuals, good song. Points off for the winks to camera and overdone choreography, but points back on for the effective lighting on the clothing.

11. Amaury Vassili - Songu (France)
Eurovision goes opera. Well, sort of. It sounds like a deleted song from Les Miserables. Which is no bad thing, by any means, but even Andrew Lloyd-Webber didn't take it to this extreme two years ago. Oddly, bits of it remind me of Whitney's "Didn't We Almost Have It All" mixed with Ravel's Bolero.
Unfortunately, his live vocals were off-key for the first half, and the staging was quite dull.

12. Raphael Gualazzi - Madness of Love (Italy)
So Italy are back for the first time this century. Having heard this, I really don't think they should have bothered. I'm picturing a drunkard singing to himself outside a Roman cafe. Customers are leaving in droves. Isn't there a manager or something to move him on? And the pay-off is that last note. Very good of him to hold it out like that, it's the gift that just keeps on giving. Truly painful.
The live performance added nothing.

13. Anna Rossinelli- In Love For A While (Switzerland)
A bright, summery, breezy, semi-acoustic folksy track. Very pleasant.
A nicely simple staging- two guys with instruments, pretty girl in the middle with bright summery visuals. A perfect match for the bright, summery song. The vocals were spot-on too.

14. Blue - I Can (UK)
I've always liked Blue, even as soloists, and they haven't ditched the old formula. This would probably be their comeback single, Eurovision or not, but features a typically Eurovision message of positivity. It's modern and memorable, something we haven't entered in Eurovision for a decade or so. I like it. So there.
I must admit I wasn't that keen on what they did to the first half of the first chorus, but they more than made up for it with the rest. And Simon Webbe's pecs didn't hurt.

15. Zdob Si Zdub - So Lucky (Moldova)
Surely this year's comedy entry? Rowdy, shouty nonsense. I'm not laughing. Nil points.
Hats off (or on) for the visuals. Eat your hearts out, Pet Shop Boys. Shame about the racket. Someone forgot to tell them it's a SONG contest.

16. Lena - Taken By A Stranger (Germany)
Germany have decided to re-enter the mockney girl who won it for them last year. But why on Earth this song was chosen is beyond me. I'm not sure I'd want to hear what its competitors were. It plods along with a Bontempi beat like a play-once b-side, going nowhere fast. It's not terrible, but only stands out in how it doesn't stand out. Very German in that it sounds like Kraftwerk (feat. Kate Nash).
As for the live staging, they gave it a nice cool vibe, but the song still goes nowhere.

17. Hotel FM - Change (Romania)
Yes, the "change" does refer to changing the world. Starts off sounding like a Take That song on which Mark Owen would sing lead vocals, then sounds like it fell in from the 1984 contest. Sometimes these Eurovision clichés do indeed write themselves. It's alright, but... whatever. (Rolls eyes).
They kept it all relatively simple, and the live vocals were strong. But it sounded SO old-fashioned, and not in a cool retro kind of way, like the Serbian entry.

18. Nadine Beiler - The Secret Is Love (Austria)
A big, big, showstopping ballad. Think Christina Aguilera's "The Voice Within" and you'll be in the ballpark. More so as it goes on.
It was a great idea to let the song sell itself. Nadine's vocals were excellent, and the sparkly staging worked brilliantly.

19. Ell & Nikki - Running Scared (Azerbaijan)
From the same songwriting team that brought you last year's fab Azerbaijan ballad, "Drip Drop". Again, it's a big, well-produced, mid-tempo ballad. Definitely one of this year's best.
And, much like last year's Azerbaijan entry, it's absolutely terrible live. The staging was all very dramatic with longing glances and pyrotechnic rain... but another one of the favourites might have just blown it.

20. Maja Keuc - No One (Slovenia)
A big, crashing piano ballad. Big, strong, dramatic production. Reminds me of Russia's "Never Let You Go" from 2006, but better. If you told me it was an unreleased recording from Christina Aguilera's "Stripped" album, I'd believe you.
This would have made a much bigger impact earlier in the line-up, as unfortunately Austria's singer out-performed her. She did a decent job, but didn't lift it into a winning league.

21. Sjonni's Friends - Coming Home (Iceland)
This song requires a quick story beforehand, as it may appear inexplicably popular. The original singer (and songwriter) Sjonni died just before he was due to perform this at Iceland's song selection competition. His friends stepped in to sing it for him, and got through.
It's a bizarre song that sounds like a bunch of drunken friends around a piano in a pub. It certainly stands out musically, and has an undeniable charm. A definite grower, as there's a great melody in there once you get over the silly oom-pah-pah production.
Despite being distracted by David Brent (played by Pauline Quirke), I thought they did a more than decent job of what must have been a very tough performance. Still not a fan of the song's overly folksy production, but there's a decent melody in there. They did their friend proud.

22. Lucia Perez - Que Me Quiten Lo Bailao (Spain)
I literally cannot remember the last time I liked a Eurovision entry from Spain at all, let alone this much. As they go, it's pretty good. Nicely traditional, catchy and largely inoffensive. I can't help but sing and move along every time I hear it.
They didn't exactly go for broke in the backdrop, but did some nice choreography. The voice wasn't great either, but the songs still rather pleasant.

23. Mika Newton - Angel (Ukraine)
A mid-tempo electro-ballad with a melody that deceptively gets under your skin by the end. I can't help but sing along every time.
Mika did an ace job with some very difficult vocals. Best use of the LED screen so far, courtesy of Ukraine's Got Talent. Inspired.

24. Nina - Čaroban (Serbia)
A very retro vibe - think 1960s Carnaby Street. Very pleasant, and another big grower.
The psychedelic 60s sound was matched perfectly with the colourful visuals and outfits. Keeping the stage bright worked well too as it held your attention much better than the previous, darker performances. Unfortunately the vocals weren't up to scratch on the final. The semifinal was way better.

25. Eldrine - One More Day (Georgia)
Starts off like a Natalie Imbruglia album track before going all nu-metal, with a fusion of heavy guitar, screechy vocals and rap. Pretty good; modern and musically relevant.
Odd costume choices, in that they looked like costumes, rather than clothes, but comes with a powerful, confident rock performance that fits the song.

Since I can't vote for the UK, my douze points would have gone to Latvia and dix to Netherlands. But now they're out of the competition, my points after the final is screened are as follows:

12 Sweden
10 Hungary
8 Russia
7 Estonia
6 Denmark
5 Ukraine
4 Ireland
3 Azerbaijan
2 Finland
1 Iceland

N.B. That list has changed quite a few times, and no doubt will change again. On songs alone, the list is different again- but the live performance is such an important part of the show, it has definitely been taken into account. But the be all and end all is the song, as this was my final order as voting closed.

The standing with the UK bookies as voting closed was as follows:
1. France (came 15th)
2. Ireland (came 8th)
3. Azerbaijan (winners)
4. UK (came 11th)
5. Estonia (came 24th)

I disagreed with the bookies' choice of France. I thought it'd win the 50% jury votes, but not so much with the public, especially the younger viewers. Based on crowd reaction in the semis, I had a sneaky feeling it'd be between the UK and Finland. My prediction for the top 5 was;

1. UK (came 11th)
2. Finland (came 21st)
3. Ireland (came 8th)
4. Russia (came 16th)
5. France (came 15th)

Okay, so I - along with pretty much everyone else - was way out. Azerbaijan was an early favourite of mine (as they were last year), but the live performances put me off the song. But I didn't expect it to do well, as it was a weaker song than last year's under-performing Drip Drop.

The Italian song (2nd) was utter bollocks, I'll never understand why it did so well, nor why the UK scored it so highly.

Glad to see Sweden do well, though. Popular is a great song and Eric Saade gave a strong performance, even if his vocals weren't 100%.

Ukraine came 4th, largely thanks to the beautiful staging, though I genuinely loved the song, even if some expect it to be due to family bias!

Denmark's scarf-waving anthem came a respectable 5th.

2/3 of the top 5 were Western countries, yet we're still hearing cries of political bias. If so, why did strong contenders Estonia come 24th? Even the mighty Russia only managed 16th with a Red One song. When these Eastern bloc countries got together to decide to vote for each other, why were these two ostracised? Or maybe, you know, it DIDN'T FUCKING HAPPEN. The top 5 were clearly the favourites all over the map.

Although I will admit, there was definitely some political voting. Cyprus gave Greece their traditional douze points, and Ireland got 12 points from United Kingdom.

See you in Baku next year for more dashed British hopes. Blue for #1! come on, who's with me? Anyone? Hello...?

Eurovision 2011 - Semifinal 2

1. Dino Merlin - Love In Rewind (Bosnia & Herzegovina)
Good use of the LED screen, and they did the best to fill the stage. The vocals weren't quite spot on though, and it just didn't have the impact that the song alone has.
Verdict: Maybe
Result: Through

2. Nadine Beiler - The Secret Is Love (Austria)
It was a great idea to let the song sell itself. Nadine's vocals were excellent, and the sparkly staging worked brilliantly.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Through

3. 3JS - Never Alone (The Netherlands)
One of my favourites, though I appear to be alone in that. They did a cracking job. I'd vote for them if I could.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Out

4. Witloof Bay - With Love Baby (Belgium)
No. Just no. Thankfully, their vocals weren't quite up to it anyway. Hell on Earth.
Verdict: HELL NO
Result: Out

5. Twiins - I'm Still Alive (Slovakia)
Two very pretty girls sing a very pretty song very prettily. Shame the backing vocalists decided to fuck it up for them.
Verdict: Yes (just)
Result: Out

6. Mika Newton - Angel (Ukraine)
Mika did an ace job with some very difficult vocals. Best use of the LED screen so far, courtesy of Ukraine's Got Talent. Inspired. I like the song too, btw...!
Verdict: Yes
Result: Through

7. Zdob Si Zdub - So Lucky (Moldova)
Hats off for the visuals. Eat your hearts out, Pet Shop Boys. Shame about the racket. Someone forgot to tell them it's a SONG contest.
Verdict: No
Result: Through

8. Eric Saade - Popular (Sweden)
The vocals weren't 100% but that performance just shot that song way up my list of favourites. Had no idea what Eric looked like before this, but he gave it his all.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Through

9. Christos Mylordos - San Aggelos S'Agapisa (Cyprus)
What a phenomenal performance! Loved the MJ tilts and weird light balls. Still a useless song though.
Verdict: No
Result: Out

10. Poli Genova - Na Inat (Bulgaria)
I'm not sure they did the song justice, but it was a strong vocal and I loved the splashy backdrop.
Verdict: Maybe
Result: Out

11. Vlatko Ilievski - Rusinka (FYR Macedonia)
Another great use of the backdrop, with its effective 3D effect. When I hear this song I always pictured Cossack dancers. It appears I wasn't alone. Dreadful song though.
Verdict: No
Result: Out

12. Dana International - Ding Dong (Israel)
Not the strongest vocalist in the world, but she looked fabulous. After some mediocre performances, this has actually stood out in a good way. And the new remix kept me interested too.
Verdict: Maybe
Result: Out

13. Maja Keuc - No One (Slovenia)
This would have made a much bigger impact earlier, but unfortunately Austria's singer out-performed her. She did a decent job, but didn't lift it into a winning league.
Verdict: Maybe
Result: Through

14. Hotel FM - Change (Romania)
They kept it all relatively simple, and the live vocals were strong. But it sounded SO old-fashioned, and not in a cool Serbian retro kind of way.
Verdict: Maybe
Result: Through

15. Getter Jaani - Rockefeller Street (Estonia)
A nicely energetic, colourful performance. But yikes on the voice. Not sure it sold the song in its best light, but still strong enough.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Through

16. Anastasiya Vinnikova – I Love Belarus (Belarus)
The monochrome look actually worked in a way I didn't expect. Given how poor the vocals are on CD, she actually did a decent job.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Out

17. Musiqq - Angel In Disguise (Latvia)
The lead singer did a fantastic job with a very wordy song. A very understated performance, letting the song sell itself. Still my favourite.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Out

18. A Friend In London - New Tomorrow (Denmark)
Odd that they've placed a guy with a tall blond quiff on before Jedward. They actually did a decent job of selling the song for me- another one of the few that's moved up on my list.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Through

19. Jedward - Lipstick (Ireland)
Ah, THAT's the Jedward I remember. Phew, I was really worried I'd enjoy that. The outfits were awful, the vocals were worse. Car crash indeed.
Verdict: Yes. What the hell.
Result: Through

So Latvia and Netherlands didn't make it. :-(

Moldova did. 'Nuff said.