Eurovision Song Contest Dusseldorf 2011

It's probably worth noting that I've heard all of these songs quite a few times, and now know most of them rather well. This review is intended to reflect the songs only- comments on the performers and their chances in Eurovision has (hopefully) been kept to a minimum.

1. Aurela Grace - Feel The Passion (Albania)
Mid-tempo, dramatic and a nice production of various styles. A little shouty in the chorus, but quite memorable.

2. Emmy - Boom Boom (Armenia)
"Boom boom, chaka chaka". Whilst it may be memorable to those who don't speak English, it also fuels those who deride Eurovision for its ridiculous titles and lyrics. It's a sub-disco track with an Eastern vibe, but not quite as terrible as I'm making it sound. Like it or not, you'll be singing along by the end.

3. Nadine Beiler - The Secret Is Love (Austria)
A big, big, showstopping ballad. Think Christina Aguilera's "The Voice Within" and you'll be in the ballpark. More so as it goes on.

4. Ell & Nikki - Running Scared (Azerbaijan)
From the same songwriting team that brought you last year's fab Azerbaijan ballad, "Drip Drop". Again, it's a big, well-produced, mid-tempo ballad. Definitely one of this year's best.

5. Dino Merlin - Love In Rewind (Bosnia & Herzegovina)
A somewhat plodding piano track, lifted with some soaring strings and a nice vocal melody. A grower.

6. Witloof Bay - With Love Baby (Belgium)
Barbershop acapella- a brave choice, certainly. But irritating as hell. No. Just no.

7. Poli Genova - Na Inat (Bulgaria)
A mid-tempo piano/guitar-pop/rock song with a decent melody, and rousing chorus.

8. Anastasiya Vinnikova – I Love Belarus (Belarus)
After having to drop their original Belarus-themed entry for being too political, they've replaced it with a song about Belarus. I think either someone's missed the point, or are just digging their heels in for the hell of it. The original was a Boney M-type disco anthem, but this replacement is a less memorable, but decent up-tempo singalong track that mixes modern pop production with a Baltic flavour. Though quite why any other country is going to feel inclined to vote for a song about the wonders of Belarus, however catchy, is a mystery.

9. Anna Rossinelli- In Love For A While (Switzerland)
A bright, summery, breezy, semi-acoustic folksy track. Very pleasant.

10. Christos Mylordos - San Aggelos S'Agapisa (Cyprus)
Full of Eastern promise, lots of snake-charming sounds and slinky rhythms. But it does nothing for me. No matter how many times I hear it, I can't remember how it goes. Nothing offensive, but I've forgotten it already, and it hasn't finished. Well, it worked for "Molitva" in 2007.

11. Lena - Taken By A Stranger (Germany)
Germany have decided to re-enter the mockney girl who won it for them last year. But why on Earth this song was chosen is beyond me. I'm not sure I'd want to hear what its competitors were. It plods along with a Bontempi beat like a play-once b-side, going nowhere fast. It's not terrible, but only stands out in how it doesn't stand out.

12. A Friend In London - New Tomorrow (Denmark)
An old-school, scarf-waving anthemic ballad with a very familiar melody. Not bad, but I can't help roll my eyes rather than join in.

13. Getter Jaani - Rockefeller Street (Estonia)
A nicely quirky pop song that mixes up carnival kitsch with military beats, guitars and a full-on, foot-stomping chorus. In fact, it seems to have three different choruses in one. An oddity, but one of my favourites.

14. Lucia Perez - Que Me Quiten Lo Bailao (Spain)
I literally cannot remember the last time I liked a Eurovision entry from Spain. As they go, it's pretty good. Nicely traditional, catchy and largely inoffensive. I can't help but sing and move along every time I hear it.

15. Paradise Oskar - Da Da Dam (Finland)
Not as nonsensical as it sounds- it's actually that Eurovision staple: the save-the-world song. It's a mid-tempo acoustic ballad that increases in production as goes on. Not the strongest voice in the world, however, but it stands out in the same way Tom Dice's "Me and My Guitar" did last year.

16. Amaury Vassili - Songu (France)
Eurovision goes opera. Well, sort of. It sounds like a deleted song from Les Miserables. Which is no bad thing, by any means, but even Andrew Lloyd-Webber didn't take it to this extreme two years ago. Oddly, bits of it remind me of Whitney's "Didn't We Almost Have It All".

17. Blue - I Can (UK)
I've always liked Blue, even as soloists, and they haven't ditched the old formula. This would probably be their comeback single, Eurovision or not, but features a typically Eurovision message of positivity. It's modern and memorable, something we haven't entered in Eurovision for a decade or so. I like it. So there.

18. Eldrine - One More Day (Georgia)
Starts off like a Natalie Imbruglia album track before going all nu-metal, with a fusion of heavy guitar, screechy vocals and rap. Pretty good, if not amazing.

19. Loucas Yiorkas feat. Stereo Mike - Watch My Dance (Greece)
I guess Greece couldn't be bothered this year. A bizarrely-rhythmed mishmash that meanders when it moves outside of the (admittedly rather lovely) chorus, whilst verses are spoken, rather than rapped. In truth, a bit of a mess.

20. Daria (Kinzer) - Celebrate (Croatia)
The version I first heard was called "Break A Leg". Frankly, the old lyrics work better, as "Celebrate" makes it sound far more typically Eurovision, although the high-NRG dance-pop does that enough already. Frankly, it's the kind of thing the UK's been entering for the last decade.

21. Kati Wolf - What About My Dreams? (Hungary)
It's pure Eurovision- high energy, big production, big notes, key changes, repetitive refrains, and a damn catchy chorus. Right up my street, even if it's a bit old school for today's Eurovision. A definite favourite of mine.

22. Jedward (yes, really) - Lipstick (Ireland)
Having failed to even qualify past the semis in recent years, Ireland literally have nothing to lose at this point, and so have entered the truly terrible, talentless twins. Featuring the line "Am I heading for a car crash?" It's jumpy, rowdy, shouty and, although I hate myself for this, I can't get it out of my head. (Whisper it: I quite like it.)

23. Dana International - Ding Dong (Israel)
The transsexual winner of 1998 returns, with a far lesser track than the fabulous "Diva". But it's certainly far from a departure in style. I'll leave the ding dong jokes to Graham Norton.

24. Sjonni's Friends - Coming Home (Iceland)
A bizarre song that sounds like a bunch of drunken friends around a piano in a pub. It certainly stands out musically, and has an undeniable charm. A definite grower, as there's a great melody in there once you get over the silly oom-pah-pah production.

25. Raphael Gualazzi - Madness of Love (Italy)
So Italy are back for the first time this century. Having heard this, I really don't think they should have bothered. I'm picturing a drunkard singing to himself outside a Roman cafe. Customers are leaving in droves. Isn't there a manger or something to move him on? And the pay-off is that last note. Very good of him to hold it out like that, it's the gift that just keeps on giving. Truly painful.

26. Evelina Sasenko - C'est Ma Vie (Lithuania)
A big piano ballad. Nothing memorable, but sweet enough. It stands out amongst some of the rowdier tracks, but not really in its own right. And, despite its title, it is sung mostly in English.

27. Musiqq - Angel In Disguise (Latvia)
I seriously love this song. A decent, modern pop song with great production with swirling guitars and infecting, clappy beats. Strong vocalist too, sounding bizarrely like a cross between Blue's Duncan and Simon. Probably my douze points this year. Which probably means it won't get past the semi-final.

28. Zdob Si Zdub - So Lucky (Moldova)
Surely this year's comedy entry? Rowdy, shouty nonsense. I'm not laughing. Nil points.

29. Vlatko Ilievski - Rusinka (FYR Macedonia)
Oh dear oh dear oh dear. I don't even think this is a song. Someone must have just left the mic on in a pub. If I didn't know better, I'd think I'd heard this song every year.

30. Glen Vella - One Life (Malta)
Starts off brilliantly- great, anthemic synths, your typical Europop techno beat, a mid-tempo '80s vibe... but the chorus is a humongous let-down, and the track peters away, rather than live up to its initial promise.

31. 3JS - Never Alone (The Netherlands)
A proper big, bold, boyband ballad that starts off tamely enough before hitting an uplifting belter of a chorus. Fab. One of my favourites this year.

32. Stella Mwangi - Haba Haba (Norway)
It's basically a remake of Shakira's "Waka Waka", but better. African beats mixed with synth sounds and African chants. Think Whigfield does The Lion King. Insanely catchy, and very memorable.

33. Magdalena Tul - Jestem (Poland)
A good example of the up -tempo Eurovision clichés with a driving pop beat. It's okay, but basically a poor man's "Kiss You Off" (Scissor Sisters).

34. Homens da Luta - A Luta E Alegria (Portugal)
I'm convinced that it's songs like this that put people off Eurovision. It sounds like a group of middle-aged friends have decided to have a sing-song around a picnic table. Tolerable, for about 60 seconds, but please no second verse. Oh, do you have to...?

35. Hotel FM - Change (Romania)
Yes, the "change" does refer to changing the world. It sounds like it fell in from the 1984 contest. Sometimes these Eurovision clichés do indeed write themselves. It's alright, but... whatever. (Rolls eyes). Starts off sounding like a Take That song on which Mark Owen would sing lead vocals.

36. Nina - Caroban (Serbia)
A very retro vibe - think 1960s Carnaby Street. Pleasant, but really? In 2011?

37. Alexei Vorobyov - Get You (Russia)
Takes a while to get going, then hits a nicely modern vibe before reaching its air-punching "Oh-oh" chorus. I enjoy it while it's on, but struggle to remember it afterwards.

38. Eric Saade - Popular (Sweden)
High NRG Euro kitsch, with a critic-baiting title. Very memorable, and great fun. Probably the most "Eurovision" song in the contest this year. After my initial eye-rolling reaction, this has become one of my biggest growers.

39. Maja Keuc - No One (Slovenia)
A big, crashing piano ballad. Big, strong, dramatic production. Reminds me of Dima Bilan's "Never Let You Go" from 2006, but better. If you told me it was an unreleased recording from Christina Aguilera's "Stripped" album, I'd believe you.

40. Twiins - I'm Still Alive (Slovakia)
A decent, if sickly and repetitive ballad. Think Alicia Keys's "No One", but with a decent chorus.

41. Senit - Stand By (San Marino)
Eurovision goes country! Well, tries. Frankly, it goes nowhere fast. Sounds like "I'll Stand By You" (The Pretenders) at times, but has at least one line too many in the chorus. It's all rather bland and dull, but far from terrible.

42. Yuksek Sadakat - Live It Up (Turkey)
A likeable, if unremarkable mid-tempo rock track. It was a genre that worked well for them last year, but "We Could Be The Same" was a much better song.

43. Mika Newton - Angel (Ukraine)
A mid-tempo electro-ballad with a melody that deceptively gets under your skin by the end.