Eurovision 2011 Results

For the sake of posterity, here are the results of The Eurovision Song Contest Final 2011.

50% was public televote, 50% was jury votes. This year's sees the biggest discrepancies in the 50/50 system so far. All three results are published here, with stats on how the jury vote affected the public televote.

1. Azerbaijan’s Ell & Nikki with “Running Scared” (221) (public: 1st/jury: 2nd)
2. Italy’s Raphael Gualazzi with “Madness of Love” (189) (public: 11th/jury: 1st)
3. Sweden’s Eric Saade with “Popular” (185) (public: 2nd/jury: 9th)
4. Ukraine’s Mika Newton with “Angel” (159) (public: 4th/jury: 7th)
5. Denmark’s A Friend in London with “New Tomorrow” (134) (public: 18th/jury: 3rd)
6. Bosnia’s Dino Merlin with “Love in Rewind” (125) (public: 6th/jury: 11th)
7. Greece’s Loukas Giorkas feat. Stereo Mike with “Watch My Dance” (120) (public: 3rd/jury: 14th)
8. Ireland’s Jedward with “Lipstick” (119) (public: 10th/jury: 6th)
9. Georgia’s Eldrine with “One More Day” (110) (public: 7th/jury: 17th)
10. Germany’s Lena with “Taken By a Stranger” (107) (public: 9th/jury: 10th)
11. The United Kingdom’s Blue with “I Can” (100) (public: 5th/jury: 22nd)
12. Moldova’s Zdob si Zdub with “So Lucky” (97) (public: 15th/jury: 12th)
13. Slovenia’s Maja Keuc with “No One” (96) (public: 22nd/jury: 4th)
14. Serbia’s Nina with “Caroban” (85) (public: 13th/jury: 8th)
15. France’s Amaury Vassili with “Sognu” (82) (public: 15th/jury: 12th)
16. Russia’s Alexey Vorobyov with “Get You” (77) (public: 8th/jury: 25th)
17. Romania’s Hotel FM with “Change” (77) (public: 14th/jury: 13th)
18. Austria’s Nadine Beiler with “The Secret is Love” (64) (public: 24th/jury: 5th)
19. Lithuania’s Evelina Sašenko with “C’est Ma Vie” (63) (public: 20th/jury: 20th)
20. Iceland’s Sjonni’s Friends with “Coming Home” (61) (public: 19th/jury: 19th)
21. Finland’s Paradise Oskar with “Da Da Dam” (57) (public: 21st/jury: 16th)
22. Hungary’s Kati Wolf with “What About My Dreams?” (53) (public: 17th/jury: 21st)
23. Spain’s Lucia Perez with “Que me quiten lo bailao” (50) (public: 16th/jury: 24th)
24. Estonia’s Getter Jaani with “Rockefeller Street” (44) (public: 23rd/jury: 18th)
25. Switzerland’s Anna Rossinelli with “In Love for a While” (19) (public: 25th/jury: 23rd)

Televoting results

1 Azerbaijan 223
2 Sweden 221
3 Greece 176
4 Ukraine 168
5 United Kingdom 166
6 Bosnia 151
7 Georgia 138
8 Russia 138
9 Germany 113
10 Ireland 101
11 Italy 099
12 Moldova 098
13 Serbia 089
14 Romania 079
15 France 076
16 Spain 073
17 Hungary 064
18 Denmark 061
19 Iceland 060
20 Lithuania 055
21 Finland 047
22 Slovenia 039
23 Estonia 032
24 Austria 025
25 Switzerland 002

Jury results

1 Italy 251
2 Azerbaijan 182
3 Denmark 168
4 Slovenia 160
5 Austria 145
6 Ireland 119
7 Ukraine 117
8 Serbia 111
9 Sweden 106
10 Germany 104
11 Bosnia 090
12 France 090
13 Romania 086
14 Greece 084
15 Moldova 082
16 Finland 075
17 Georgia 079
18 Estonia 074
19 Iceland 072
20 Lithuania 066
21 Hungary 060
22 United Kingdom 057
23 Switzerland 053
24 Spain 038
25 Russia 025

In terms of how much the jury's voting affected the final placings, here are how much they affected each country (six countries' combined positions matched the public vote, but all were affected by the jury vote).

The following 10 countries benefitted from jury voting:
Denmark +13 places
Slovenia +9
Italy +9
Austria +6
Moldova +3
Ireland +2
Lithuania +1
Finland - no change
France - no change
Switzerland - no change

However, the following 15 countries were hindered by the jury voting:
Russia -8 places
Spain -7
UK -6
Greece -4
Romania -3
Georgia -2
Sweden -1
Germany -1
Serbia -1
Iceland -1
Estonia -1
Bosnia - no change
Hungary - no change
Ukraine - no change
Azerbaijan - no change

The Eurovision Song Contest 2011 Final

1. Paradise Oskar - Da Da Dam (Finland)
Not as nonsensical as it sounds- it's actually that Eurovision staple: the save-the-world song. It's a mid-tempo acoustic ballad that increases in production as goes on. Not the strongest voice in the world, however, but it stands out in the same way Tom Dice's "Me and My Guitar" did last year.
A Jeff Brazier lookalike, a guitar, a massive LED globe. A simple, but effective performance for a simple, but effective song. He sang it well, through it did drip of more than a little schmaltz, and came across more than a little smug.

2. Dino Merlin - Love In Rewind (Bosnia & Herzegovina)
A somewhat plodding piano track, lifted with some soaring strings and a nice vocal melody. A grower.
Good use of the LED screen, and they did the best to fill the stage. The vocals weren't quite spot on though, and it just didn't have the impact that the song alone has.

3. A Friend In London - New Tomorrow (Denmark)
An old-school, scarf-waving anthemic ballad with a very familiar melody.
Odd that they've placed a guy with a tall blond quiff on before Jedward. They actually did a decent job of selling the song for me- another one of the few that's moved up on my list.

4. Evelina Sasenko - C'est Ma Vie (Lithuania)
A simple, old-fashioned piano ballad, the kind of thing Ireland kept winning with in the 1990s. Nothing memorable, but sweet enough. It stands out amongst some of the rowdier tracks, but not really in its own right. And, despite its title, it is sung mostly in English.
She sang it very well, but it's still nothing to write home about.

5. Kati Wolf - What About My Dreams? (Hungary)
It's pure Eurovision- high energy, big production, big notes, key changes, repetitive refrains, and a damn catchy chorus. Right up my street, even if it's a bit old school for today's Eurovision. A definite favourite of mine.
Not a fan of the demented facial expressions, the surprising lack of stage presence, the horrid outfit, the disappointing vocals, and the loss of the second verse. But it's a great song. Honest.

6. Jedward - Lipstick (Ireland)
Having failed to even qualify past the semis in recent years, Ireland literally have nothing to lose at this point, and so have entered the truly terrible, talentless twins. Featuring the line "Am I heading for a car crash?" It's jumpy, rowdy, shouty and, although I hate myself for this, I can't get it out of my head. (Whisper it: I quite like it.)
But when performed live... Ah, THAT's the Jedward I remember from X Factor. Phew, I was really worried I'd enjoy that. The outfits were awful, the vocals were worse. Car crash indeed.

7. Eric Saade - Popular (Sweden)
High NRG Euro kitsch, with a critic-baiting title. Very memorable, and great fun. Probably the most "Eurovision" song in the contest this year. After my initial eye-rolling reaction, this has become one of my biggest growers.
The vocals weren't 100% but that performance just shot that song way up my list of favourites. Had no idea what Eric looked like before this, but he gave it his all.

8. Getter Jaani - Rockefeller Street (Estonia)
A nicely quirky pop song that mixes up carnival kitsch with military beats, guitars and a full-on, foot-stomping chorus. In fact, it seems to have three different choruses in one. An oddity, but one of my favourites.
A nicely energetic, colourful performance. But yikes on the voice. Not sure it sold the song in its best light, but still strong enough.

9. Loucas Yiorkas feat. Stereo Mike - Watch My Dance (Greece)
I guess Greece couldn't be bothered this year. A bizarrely-rhythmed mishmash that meanders when it moves outside of the (admittedly rather lovely) chorus, whilst verses are spoken, rather than rapped. In truth, a bit of a mess.
Nicely staged, strong vocals, handsome singer... but it's a very odd song, and the rapper is simply terrible.

10. Alexei Vorobyov - Get You (Russia)
Takes a while to get going, then hits a nicely modern vibe before reaching its air-punching "Oh-oh" chorus. Another slow grower.
You're fit, but my gosh don't you know it. Strong vocals, strong visuals, good song. Points off for the winks to camera and overdone choreography, but points back on for the effective lighting on the clothing.

11. Amaury Vassili - Songu (France)
Eurovision goes opera. Well, sort of. It sounds like a deleted song from Les Miserables. Which is no bad thing, by any means, but even Andrew Lloyd-Webber didn't take it to this extreme two years ago. Oddly, bits of it remind me of Whitney's "Didn't We Almost Have It All" mixed with Ravel's Bolero.
Unfortunately, his live vocals were off-key for the first half, and the staging was quite dull.

12. Raphael Gualazzi - Madness of Love (Italy)
So Italy are back for the first time this century. Having heard this, I really don't think they should have bothered. I'm picturing a drunkard singing to himself outside a Roman cafe. Customers are leaving in droves. Isn't there a manager or something to move him on? And the pay-off is that last note. Very good of him to hold it out like that, it's the gift that just keeps on giving. Truly painful.
The live performance added nothing.

13. Anna Rossinelli- In Love For A While (Switzerland)
A bright, summery, breezy, semi-acoustic folksy track. Very pleasant.
A nicely simple staging- two guys with instruments, pretty girl in the middle with bright summery visuals. A perfect match for the bright, summery song. The vocals were spot-on too.

14. Blue - I Can (UK)
I've always liked Blue, even as soloists, and they haven't ditched the old formula. This would probably be their comeback single, Eurovision or not, but features a typically Eurovision message of positivity. It's modern and memorable, something we haven't entered in Eurovision for a decade or so. I like it. So there.
I must admit I wasn't that keen on what they did to the first half of the first chorus, but they more than made up for it with the rest. And Simon Webbe's pecs didn't hurt.

15. Zdob Si Zdub - So Lucky (Moldova)
Surely this year's comedy entry? Rowdy, shouty nonsense. I'm not laughing. Nil points.
Hats off (or on) for the visuals. Eat your hearts out, Pet Shop Boys. Shame about the racket. Someone forgot to tell them it's a SONG contest.

16. Lena - Taken By A Stranger (Germany)
Germany have decided to re-enter the mockney girl who won it for them last year. But why on Earth this song was chosen is beyond me. I'm not sure I'd want to hear what its competitors were. It plods along with a Bontempi beat like a play-once b-side, going nowhere fast. It's not terrible, but only stands out in how it doesn't stand out. Very German in that it sounds like Kraftwerk (feat. Kate Nash).
As for the live staging, they gave it a nice cool vibe, but the song still goes nowhere.

17. Hotel FM - Change (Romania)
Yes, the "change" does refer to changing the world. Starts off sounding like a Take That song on which Mark Owen would sing lead vocals, then sounds like it fell in from the 1984 contest. Sometimes these Eurovision clichés do indeed write themselves. It's alright, but... whatever. (Rolls eyes).
They kept it all relatively simple, and the live vocals were strong. But it sounded SO old-fashioned, and not in a cool retro kind of way, like the Serbian entry.

18. Nadine Beiler - The Secret Is Love (Austria)
A big, big, showstopping ballad. Think Christina Aguilera's "The Voice Within" and you'll be in the ballpark. More so as it goes on.
It was a great idea to let the song sell itself. Nadine's vocals were excellent, and the sparkly staging worked brilliantly.

19. Ell & Nikki - Running Scared (Azerbaijan)
From the same songwriting team that brought you last year's fab Azerbaijan ballad, "Drip Drop". Again, it's a big, well-produced, mid-tempo ballad. Definitely one of this year's best.
And, much like last year's Azerbaijan entry, it's absolutely terrible live. The staging was all very dramatic with longing glances and pyrotechnic rain... but another one of the favourites might have just blown it.

20. Maja Keuc - No One (Slovenia)
A big, crashing piano ballad. Big, strong, dramatic production. Reminds me of Russia's "Never Let You Go" from 2006, but better. If you told me it was an unreleased recording from Christina Aguilera's "Stripped" album, I'd believe you.
This would have made a much bigger impact earlier in the line-up, as unfortunately Austria's singer out-performed her. She did a decent job, but didn't lift it into a winning league.

21. Sjonni's Friends - Coming Home (Iceland)
This song requires a quick story beforehand, as it may appear inexplicably popular. The original singer (and songwriter) Sjonni died just before he was due to perform this at Iceland's song selection competition. His friends stepped in to sing it for him, and got through.
It's a bizarre song that sounds like a bunch of drunken friends around a piano in a pub. It certainly stands out musically, and has an undeniable charm. A definite grower, as there's a great melody in there once you get over the silly oom-pah-pah production.
Despite being distracted by David Brent (played by Pauline Quirke), I thought they did a more than decent job of what must have been a very tough performance. Still not a fan of the song's overly folksy production, but there's a decent melody in there. They did their friend proud.

22. Lucia Perez - Que Me Quiten Lo Bailao (Spain)
I literally cannot remember the last time I liked a Eurovision entry from Spain at all, let alone this much. As they go, it's pretty good. Nicely traditional, catchy and largely inoffensive. I can't help but sing and move along every time I hear it.
They didn't exactly go for broke in the backdrop, but did some nice choreography. The voice wasn't great either, but the songs still rather pleasant.

23. Mika Newton - Angel (Ukraine)
A mid-tempo electro-ballad with a melody that deceptively gets under your skin by the end. I can't help but sing along every time.
Mika did an ace job with some very difficult vocals. Best use of the LED screen so far, courtesy of Ukraine's Got Talent. Inspired.

24. Nina - Čaroban (Serbia)
A very retro vibe - think 1960s Carnaby Street. Very pleasant, and another big grower.
The psychedelic 60s sound was matched perfectly with the colourful visuals and outfits. Keeping the stage bright worked well too as it held your attention much better than the previous, darker performances. Unfortunately the vocals weren't up to scratch on the final. The semifinal was way better.

25. Eldrine - One More Day (Georgia)
Starts off like a Natalie Imbruglia album track before going all nu-metal, with a fusion of heavy guitar, screechy vocals and rap. Pretty good; modern and musically relevant.
Odd costume choices, in that they looked like costumes, rather than clothes, but comes with a powerful, confident rock performance that fits the song.

Since I can't vote for the UK, my douze points would have gone to Latvia and dix to Netherlands. But now they're out of the competition, my points after the final is screened are as follows:

12 Sweden
10 Hungary
8 Russia
7 Estonia
6 Denmark
5 Ukraine
4 Ireland
3 Azerbaijan
2 Finland
1 Iceland

N.B. That list has changed quite a few times, and no doubt will change again. On songs alone, the list is different again- but the live performance is such an important part of the show, it has definitely been taken into account. But the be all and end all is the song, as this was my final order as voting closed.

The standing with the UK bookies as voting closed was as follows:
1. France (came 15th)
2. Ireland (came 8th)
3. Azerbaijan (winners)
4. UK (came 11th)
5. Estonia (came 24th)

I disagreed with the bookies' choice of France. I thought it'd win the 50% jury votes, but not so much with the public, especially the younger viewers. Based on crowd reaction in the semis, I had a sneaky feeling it'd be between the UK and Finland. My prediction for the top 5 was;

1. UK (came 11th)
2. Finland (came 21st)
3. Ireland (came 8th)
4. Russia (came 16th)
5. France (came 15th)

Okay, so I - along with pretty much everyone else - was way out. Azerbaijan was an early favourite of mine (as they were last year), but the live performances put me off the song. But I didn't expect it to do well, as it was a weaker song than last year's under-performing Drip Drop.

The Italian song (2nd) was utter bollocks, I'll never understand why it did so well, nor why the UK scored it so highly.

Glad to see Sweden do well, though. Popular is a great song and Eric Saade gave a strong performance, even if his vocals weren't 100%.

Ukraine came 4th, largely thanks to the beautiful staging, though I genuinely loved the song, even if some expect it to be due to family bias!

Denmark's scarf-waving anthem came a respectable 5th.

2/3 of the top 5 were Western countries, yet we're still hearing cries of political bias. If so, why did strong contenders Estonia come 24th? Even the mighty Russia only managed 16th with a Red One song. When these Eastern bloc countries got together to decide to vote for each other, why were these two ostracised? Or maybe, you know, it DIDN'T FUCKING HAPPEN. The top 5 were clearly the favourites all over the map.

Although I will admit, there was definitely some political voting. Cyprus gave Greece their traditional douze points, and Ireland got 12 points from United Kingdom.

See you in Baku next year for more dashed British hopes. Blue for #1! come on, who's with me? Anyone? Hello...?

Eurovision 2011 - Semifinal 2

1. Dino Merlin - Love In Rewind (Bosnia & Herzegovina)
Good use of the LED screen, and they did the best to fill the stage. The vocals weren't quite spot on though, and it just didn't have the impact that the song alone has.
Verdict: Maybe
Result: Through

2. Nadine Beiler - The Secret Is Love (Austria)
It was a great idea to let the song sell itself. Nadine's vocals were excellent, and the sparkly staging worked brilliantly.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Through

3. 3JS - Never Alone (The Netherlands)
One of my favourites, though I appear to be alone in that. They did a cracking job. I'd vote for them if I could.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Out

4. Witloof Bay - With Love Baby (Belgium)
No. Just no. Thankfully, their vocals weren't quite up to it anyway. Hell on Earth.
Verdict: HELL NO
Result: Out

5. Twiins - I'm Still Alive (Slovakia)
Two very pretty girls sing a very pretty song very prettily. Shame the backing vocalists decided to fuck it up for them.
Verdict: Yes (just)
Result: Out

6. Mika Newton - Angel (Ukraine)
Mika did an ace job with some very difficult vocals. Best use of the LED screen so far, courtesy of Ukraine's Got Talent. Inspired. I like the song too, btw...!
Verdict: Yes
Result: Through

7. Zdob Si Zdub - So Lucky (Moldova)
Hats off for the visuals. Eat your hearts out, Pet Shop Boys. Shame about the racket. Someone forgot to tell them it's a SONG contest.
Verdict: No
Result: Through

8. Eric Saade - Popular (Sweden)
The vocals weren't 100% but that performance just shot that song way up my list of favourites. Had no idea what Eric looked like before this, but he gave it his all.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Through

9. Christos Mylordos - San Aggelos S'Agapisa (Cyprus)
What a phenomenal performance! Loved the MJ tilts and weird light balls. Still a useless song though.
Verdict: No
Result: Out

10. Poli Genova - Na Inat (Bulgaria)
I'm not sure they did the song justice, but it was a strong vocal and I loved the splashy backdrop.
Verdict: Maybe
Result: Out

11. Vlatko Ilievski - Rusinka (FYR Macedonia)
Another great use of the backdrop, with its effective 3D effect. When I hear this song I always pictured Cossack dancers. It appears I wasn't alone. Dreadful song though.
Verdict: No
Result: Out

12. Dana International - Ding Dong (Israel)
Not the strongest vocalist in the world, but she looked fabulous. After some mediocre performances, this has actually stood out in a good way. And the new remix kept me interested too.
Verdict: Maybe
Result: Out

13. Maja Keuc - No One (Slovenia)
This would have made a much bigger impact earlier, but unfortunately Austria's singer out-performed her. She did a decent job, but didn't lift it into a winning league.
Verdict: Maybe
Result: Through

14. Hotel FM - Change (Romania)
They kept it all relatively simple, and the live vocals were strong. But it sounded SO old-fashioned, and not in a cool Serbian retro kind of way.
Verdict: Maybe
Result: Through

15. Getter Jaani - Rockefeller Street (Estonia)
A nicely energetic, colourful performance. But yikes on the voice. Not sure it sold the song in its best light, but still strong enough.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Through

16. Anastasiya Vinnikova – I Love Belarus (Belarus)
The monochrome look actually worked in a way I didn't expect. Given how poor the vocals are on CD, she actually did a decent job.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Out

17. Musiqq - Angel In Disguise (Latvia)
The lead singer did a fantastic job with a very wordy song. A very understated performance, letting the song sell itself. Still my favourite.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Out

18. A Friend In London - New Tomorrow (Denmark)
Odd that they've placed a guy with a tall blond quiff on before Jedward. They actually did a decent job of selling the song for me- another one of the few that's moved up on my list.
Verdict: Yes
Result: Through

19. Jedward - Lipstick (Ireland)
Ah, THAT's the Jedward I remember. Phew, I was really worried I'd enjoy that. The outfits were awful, the vocals were worse. Car crash indeed.
Verdict: Yes. What the hell.
Result: Through

So Latvia and Netherlands didn't make it. :-(

Moldova did. 'Nuff said.

Eurovision 2011 - Semifinal 1

I've already reviewed this year's songs on this blog (see April 2011 down the right-hand side), so this is something of an update. I have put this on my music blog (rather than my TV blog) as this is intended to be a critique on how well the songs were performed live, rather than the show itself. I've also added my verdict on the chances of each song getting through, and the actual result. Given that (in most cases) I didn't even know what these people looked like, let alone how they would be staged, there were bound to be some big surprises. And there certainly were.

Firstly, I wish Scott Mills would stop trying to be Terry Wogan with his commentary. He isn't Terry Wogan, and I for one am grateful for that. However, he was largely positive and witty, and most of the barbed insults came from the viewers' tweets that he read out, rather than him.
Secondly, Sara Cox is the devil incarnate and should never been seen or heard. Ever. Especially on TV. I don't know what the original German broadcast was showing during her bits, but it cannot have been worse than what we had to put up with from her.
Thirdly, the overall staging of the show in Dusseldorf is superb. The stage is massive, and the LED backdrop looks fantastic. Fair play, Germany have pulled out all the stops in spectacular fashion. I won't be commenting on the German presenters, particularly since we don't get to hear much of them anyway.

And, finally, the songs...

1. Magdalena Tul - Jestem (Poland)
First song of the contest... better make a good impression, then. Or not. For starters, the vocals were not great, and far from improved as the song went on. The backup singers only made matters worse, especially when Magdalena decided to leave them do most of the chorus whilst she "yeah yeah"d and strutted about. As for the staging, basic white outfits, basic patterns on the back screen, and jets of steam. Way to make an impact.
Verdict: Nope.
Result: Out.

2. Stella Mwangi - Haba Haba (Norway)
On record, Stella's voice isn't great, so it was no big shock when she was absolutely terrible live. But it's a big song that made me picture a big, multicoloured stage-filled extravaganza. But it wasn't quite. The Whigfield-esque interlude leant itself nicely to a memorable dance routine... But no.
Verdict: Disappointingly, no.
Result: Out.

3. Aurela Gace - Feel The Passion (Albania)
Nice wings effect on the rear screen, and the vocals were very strong, as they needed to be. The pyrotechnics were good too. Overall, turned a so-so song into a potential contender.
Verdict: Maybe.
Result: Out.

4. Emmy - Boom Boom (Armenia)
One of the more memorable songs (for good or bad), but oddly staged with a distracting giant boxing glove. Wisely, most of the dancing was left to the men with the bulging pecs, so in theory the female vocals wouldn't suffer... Unfortunately, they did.
Verdict: Maybe.
Result: Out.

5. Yuksek Sadakat - Live It Up (Turkey)
The song sounded pretty good live, as you should expect from a rock band, although the look was a bit 80s hair metal (except for the bald singer of course). The contortionist in the hamster cage only distracted from what is actually a pretty good song.
Verdict: Yes.
Result: Out. A big shock.

6. Nina - Charoban (Serbia)
The psychedelic 60s sound was matched perfectly with the colourful visuals and outfits. Keeping the stage bright worked well too as it held your attention much better than the previous, darker performances. Add in the excellent vocals, and they have greatly improved their chances.
Verdict: Maybe.
Result: Through.

7. Alexej Vorobjov - Get You (Russia)
You're fit, but my gosh don't you know it. Strong vocals, strong visuals, good song. Points off for the winks to camera and overdone choreography, but points back on for the effective lighting on the clothing.
Verdict: Yes.
Result: Through.

8. Anna Rossinelli - In Love For A While (Switzerland)
A nicely simple staging- two guys with instruments, pretty girl in the middle with bright summery visuals. A perfect match for the bright, summery song. The vocals were spot-on too.
Verdict: Yes.
Result: Through. A pleasant surprise.

9. Eldrine - One More Day (Georgia)
Odd costume choices, in that they looked like costumes, rather than clothes. But it's a modern nu-metal song, with a powerful performance.
Verdict: Maybe.
Result: Through.

10. Paradise Oskar - Da Da Dam (Finland)
A Jeff Brazier lookalike, a guitar, a massive LED globe. A simple, but effective performance for a simple, but effective song. He sang it well, through it did drip of more than a little schmaltz.
Verdict: Yes. Despite myself.
Result: Through. A no-brainer.

11. Glen Vella - One Life (Malta)
On the CD, I thought that this was sung by a woman! It turns out to be Justin, the gay nephew from Ugly Betty, who gives his all in an energetic song that goes nowhere. It was all very colourful and he seemed to have a ball. Good for him.
Verdict: No.
Result: Out. Another no-brainer.

12. Senit - Stand By (San Marino)
One of the most forgettable (though not unpleasant) songs in the contest, this needed something special to stick in the mind. Unfortunately the performance was as competently bland as the song.
Verdict: No.
Result: Out.

13. Daria - Celebrate (Croatia)
I honestly thought this was sung by a man. Apparently not. I think. Even a Jerry Sadowitz lookalike and two impressive on-stage costume changes couldn't make up for the dodgy vocals. It felt like watching someone making the most of a party to which nobody else turned up.
Verdict: No.
Result: Out.

14. Sjonni's Friends: Coming Home (Iceland)
This song requires a quick story beforehand, as it may appear inexplicably popular. The original singer (and songwriter) Sjonni died just before he was due to perform this at Iceland's song selection competition. His friends stepped in to sing it for him, and got through. And, despite being distracted by David Brent (played by Pauline Quirke), I thought they did a more than decent job of what must have been a very tough performance. Still not a fan of the song's overly folksy production, but there's a decent melody in there. They did their friend proud.
Verdict: Yes.
Result: Through.

15. Kati Wolf - What About My Dreams? (Hungary)
Not a fan of the demented facial expressions, the surprising lack of stage presence, the horrid outfit, the disappointing vocals, and the loss of the second verse. But it's a great song. Honest.
Verdict: Yes, but only for the song.
Result: Through.

16. Homens Da Luta - A Luta E Alegria (Portugal)
The "comedy" protest song. Or a multicoloured update on The Village People. I'm not sure what they're protesting, but it appears to be music. Even they looked bored by the end of the first minute.
Verdict: Hell no.
Result: Out. T.F.

17. Evelina Sashenko - C'est Ma Vie (Lithuania)
A simple, old-fashioned piano ballad, the kind of thing Ireland kept winning with in the 1990s. She sang it very well, but it's still nothing to write home about.
Verdict: No.
Result: Surprisingly, through! But then, anything would sound good after Portugal's.

18. Ell / Nikki - Running Scared (Azerbaijan)
Much like last year's Azerbaijan entry, it's a fab, nicely produced ballad, and is absolutely terrible live. The staging was all very dramatic with longing glances and pyrotechnic rain... but another one of the favourites might have just blown it.
Verdict: Yes, but again only for the song.
Result: Through.

19. Loucas Yiorkas feat. Stereo Mike - Watch My Dance (Greece)
Nicely staged, strong vocals, handsome singer... but it's a very odd song, and the rapper is simply terrible.
Verdict: No.
Result: Of course it's through, it's Greece.

Overall verdict:
I can't really disagree too much with the results. The two strongest songs (Azerbaijan & Hungary) made it through, despite two of the weakest performances, and some expected favourites (Norway, Turkey, Armenia) have fallen by the wayside in favour of unexpectedly strong performances from the likes of Switzerland, Lithuania and Serbia.

However, it's definitely the weaker of the two semis, in terms of the songs. There are at least a dozen songs in the second semi that deserve to go through, and I know who I want the ten qualifiers to be, so competition will be tough.

Expect me to be very unhappy by this time on Thursday.

Eurovision 2011 - or, Why The UK Have Done So Badly At Eurovision In Recent Years.

In two weeks' time, the Eurovision Song Contest 2011 takes place. All 43 participating songs have been decided, and the album containing every song is out. So, in a run-up to the competition, on a day when Brits are proudly flying their flag, here are a few thoughts on the United Kingdom in Eurovision as it currently stands.

Living in the UK, I know that I am in the vast VAST minority of those who absolutely adore Eurovision. And I don't mean in an ironic, sneery, let's-all-laugh-at-the-foreigners kind of way. In a genuine, music-loving way. Yes, the kitsch, glitter, cheese, costumes and dodgy choreography aren't (always) to be taken seriously, and I can laugh at it, as much as I can laugh with it. Anyone who's read my American Idol/X Factor blogs can attest to that. If I hated the shows as much as I appear to, I wouldn't watch them.

But I honestly wish that the UK took Eurovision more seriously, for simple, sensible reasons. And it's not because we haven't won for 14 years.

British music has always been at the forefront of the world's music scene, particularly the Western world. America may have taken over, and British acts famously struggle in the States- but in Europe, many British acts are as successful across Europe (and indeed the world) as they are at home. So why don't we do better at Eurovision?

The loudest cry is "politics". I cry back, "bollocks". Yes, there are a few countries that may choose to do so (Greece and Cyprus- GUILTY!), and it would be naive to suggest otherwise. But it's only on a limited scale. Each country gets 10 votes (totalling 58 points), and all the bias in the world can't affect a barrage of decent scores from the countries that voted on the music. There may be 25 countries performing in the final, but all 43 participating countries get to vote, even if eliminated at the semifinals. This makes a total of 2494 points on offer.

Plus, we have to bear in mind that several countries simply share tastes more so than politics, so a jaunty song full of accordions and fiddles will likely go down better in one country than a boy band ballad would, and vice versa in another country. Statistics show that the UK is as guilty of "political" bias, as we nearly always vote for Ireland, Sweden and Greece. But is it out of some sense of political affiliation, or because we simply share a more similar musical taste?

The biggest "political" grumble of late has been that of Eastern Europe vs Western Europe. In particular, over the last decade, a huge number of winners have been from dissolved Eastern European states. Ukraine, Estonia, Latvia, Croatia and Russia- all newcomers, all neighbours, many used to belong to the same country, all "obviously" voting for each other, right? Well, no. All of those winners were getting high scores from neighbours, but they couldn't have won without a substantial vote from the Western countries as well. Three of the other five winners were Western countries anyway; Finland, Norway and, most recently, Germany. The remaining two winners were Greece and Turkey, both old-school Eurovision stalwarts, so you could argue that they might actually belong in the second group more so than the first.

I can sum up quite easily why UK do poorly at Eurovision. And it's OUR fault. During our selection process, we had the likes of Terry "I clearly hate Eurovision" Wogan patronisingly advising us not to vote for the best song, but for the song we think the Europeans will like. So we kept sending songs to Eurovision that even we wouldn't buy. Well, Terry's gone and we're still doing it. Here are some recent examples.

In 2008, the UK sent X Factor runner-up Andy Abraham to the competition. The song charted in the UK at #67. More than a dozen UK acts were ahead of him in the chart- so why weren't any of them sent to Eurovision? The UK didn't even like the song in enough numbers to get it into the top 40. Why the hell would we expect Europe to be any different? And what was the Eurovision result? Last place.

However, the next year, something interesting happened. The BBC took it upon themselves to appoint Andrew Lloyd-Webber as the songwriter. He then enlisted American uber-hitmaker Diane Warren to collaborate with the lyrics. Straight away, you have two internationally successful, known-by-name songwriters on board. Once the UK had chosen their singer, Jade Ewen, she and Andrew began a tour of participating countries, promoting the song, getting Andrew's name out there and demonstrating how UK were finally taking the contest seriously again. The UK, having not chosen the song, were somewhat lukewarm to it, and it charted at #50. Once it did surprisingly well at Eurovision, coming an impressive 5th (FIFTH!) place, it jumped up to #27.

Last year, 80s/90s pop maestro Pete Waterman was chosen to write the UK song. Unfortunately, the resulting song sounded at least a decade out-of-date, and it backfired badly. With little of the previous year's promotion across Europe, we ended up just sending an unknown, inexperienced performer to promote yet another poor song too weak to stand for itself. It didn't go well. The song charted in the UK at a shocking #179, and we came last place. Again.

The public have had no say whatsoever in either the song or performer this year. Instead, the BBC have selected to revive boy-band Blue; a band that was successful across Europe, just half a decade ago. It is a smart idea. Denying the public the right to choose the song is not without its risks. But with our track record of selecting, maybe the BBC did the right thing this year. A large section of the British public are grumbling that the song is terrible. It isn't. Blue haven't deviated from their previous sound, so if you liked Blue last time round, you'll probably like this. If you didn't, you probably won't. "I Can" is not a "Eurovision" song, but a contemporary pop song, and a definite grower, as long as it gets heard enough.

One of the keys to success will be the song's release. By the time Germany's "Satellite" by Lena won last year, it had been a huge hit across Europe, including #1 in several competing countries. Its release was held back in the UK, so it not only got poor scores from us, but was a flash-in-the-pan minor hit after it won, charting at #30 before dropping fast. A shame, as it not only adds bona fide musical credibility to the competition by being a genuine European hit and a modern, contemporary winner that sounds like no previous winner... It's also sung in a "mockney" style that's copying British artists such as Kate Nash and Lily Allen. Last place; British act. First place; someone copying a British act. In short, it's something the UK could have done in our sleep, had we chosen to. In fact, Germany have chosen to do it again, with Lena representing Germany again this year.

Chances are, the new single from Blue would be a big hit across Europe with or without Eurovision. We just need to get it out there, promote it, play it, release it. Get it in the charts BEFORE the competition so that its popularity can grow. Luckily, the song comes out in the UK this weekend, giving it time to chart before the competition. Blue are currently touring Europe and beyond, promoting the song, rehearsing and refining their performance in the process. If the song's just not good enough, fair enough, we'll have to try harder next year. And if we win, we'll try even harder. However, we are currently second favourites to win (behind... shock horror... a Western European country, France).

If the UK can enjoy the big-budget musical competitions like The X Factor, Britain's Got Talent, Over The Rainbow, etc. etc., then why not celebrate a multinational musical showcase? One that demands original material and a live performance? The music is certainly no worse than the glorified karaoke on these talent shows, and in many cases, much better.

Eurovision is no longer just the one, annual night of television. It's a three-day event, comprising of approximately eight hours of TV. The problem is, in the UK the semi-finals are buried away on BBC3. I wonder how many people in the UK are aware that Eurovision semi finals even exist? There'll be 25 songs performed at the final on May 15th. So that means 18 songs that don't make it. And it's not the best ones that go through, trust me. Ever year at least two or three of my favourites fail to qualify, and it will certainly happen again this year. Jedward fans be aware- they're performing on Thursday night and have to qualify to make it to Saturday's final. The UK automatically qualify- Ireland don't.

The UK automatically qualify because of how much money we invest in the EBU (European Broadcasting Union, Eurovision's producers)- so why not get our money's worth and show the Eurovision Semi Finals live on prime time BBC1? Is it simply because we don't compete, so have no reason to watch? Given how infuriated we get at watching ourselves lose, it might do us some good to watch the competition with some genuine objectivity. And you never know, we might actually discover some decent pop music in the process.

With download sales now counting toward the UK chart, there is an annual stream of Eurovision songs entering after they've been heard on each contest. And it's not just the winners or UK entries. So the music that people like is out there, and in the competition. It's a shame that we in the UK choose to give them just the one day of exposure. For some reason, the UK releases are held back until the last minute. The songs will be performed on the show, chart (maybe), then promptly be forgotten about.

Across Europe, massive shows similar to X Factor exist purely FOR Eurovision. This is our/their chance to sell music to over 40 other countries. Why even consider sending anything but the very best to represent your country?

The next time you complain that Europeans don't want to give us any points, ask yourselves, "which came first? The crappy scores, or our lack of interest?" Cry political, if you like, but you're wrong. We're not being punished because we're British. We're not even being punished because we're not taking it seriously. We're not as important to the rest of Europe as we like to think we are. We're just not submitting music that people, even in our own country, want to vote for, buy or listen to. And we're missing out on some great European music in the process.

Here's hoping that Blue finally persuade us to buck the trend.

Eurovision Song Contest Dusseldorf 2011

It's probably worth noting that I've heard all of these songs quite a few times, and now know most of them rather well. This review is intended to reflect the songs only- comments on the performers and their chances in Eurovision has (hopefully) been kept to a minimum.

1. Aurela Grace - Feel The Passion (Albania)
Mid-tempo, dramatic and a nice production of various styles. A little shouty in the chorus, but quite memorable.

2. Emmy - Boom Boom (Armenia)
"Boom boom, chaka chaka". Whilst it may be memorable to those who don't speak English, it also fuels those who deride Eurovision for its ridiculous titles and lyrics. It's a sub-disco track with an Eastern vibe, but not quite as terrible as I'm making it sound. Like it or not, you'll be singing along by the end.

3. Nadine Beiler - The Secret Is Love (Austria)
A big, big, showstopping ballad. Think Christina Aguilera's "The Voice Within" and you'll be in the ballpark. More so as it goes on.

4. Ell & Nikki - Running Scared (Azerbaijan)
From the same songwriting team that brought you last year's fab Azerbaijan ballad, "Drip Drop". Again, it's a big, well-produced, mid-tempo ballad. Definitely one of this year's best.

5. Dino Merlin - Love In Rewind (Bosnia & Herzegovina)
A somewhat plodding piano track, lifted with some soaring strings and a nice vocal melody. A grower.

6. Witloof Bay - With Love Baby (Belgium)
Barbershop acapella- a brave choice, certainly. But irritating as hell. No. Just no.

7. Poli Genova - Na Inat (Bulgaria)
A mid-tempo piano/guitar-pop/rock song with a decent melody, and rousing chorus.

8. Anastasiya Vinnikova – I Love Belarus (Belarus)
After having to drop their original Belarus-themed entry for being too political, they've replaced it with a song about Belarus. I think either someone's missed the point, or are just digging their heels in for the hell of it. The original was a Boney M-type disco anthem, but this replacement is a less memorable, but decent up-tempo singalong track that mixes modern pop production with a Baltic flavour. Though quite why any other country is going to feel inclined to vote for a song about the wonders of Belarus, however catchy, is a mystery.

9. Anna Rossinelli- In Love For A While (Switzerland)
A bright, summery, breezy, semi-acoustic folksy track. Very pleasant.

10. Christos Mylordos - San Aggelos S'Agapisa (Cyprus)
Full of Eastern promise, lots of snake-charming sounds and slinky rhythms. But it does nothing for me. No matter how many times I hear it, I can't remember how it goes. Nothing offensive, but I've forgotten it already, and it hasn't finished. Well, it worked for "Molitva" in 2007.

11. Lena - Taken By A Stranger (Germany)
Germany have decided to re-enter the mockney girl who won it for them last year. But why on Earth this song was chosen is beyond me. I'm not sure I'd want to hear what its competitors were. It plods along with a Bontempi beat like a play-once b-side, going nowhere fast. It's not terrible, but only stands out in how it doesn't stand out.

12. A Friend In London - New Tomorrow (Denmark)
An old-school, scarf-waving anthemic ballad with a very familiar melody. Not bad, but I can't help roll my eyes rather than join in.

13. Getter Jaani - Rockefeller Street (Estonia)
A nicely quirky pop song that mixes up carnival kitsch with military beats, guitars and a full-on, foot-stomping chorus. In fact, it seems to have three different choruses in one. An oddity, but one of my favourites.

14. Lucia Perez - Que Me Quiten Lo Bailao (Spain)
I literally cannot remember the last time I liked a Eurovision entry from Spain. As they go, it's pretty good. Nicely traditional, catchy and largely inoffensive. I can't help but sing and move along every time I hear it.

15. Paradise Oskar - Da Da Dam (Finland)
Not as nonsensical as it sounds- it's actually that Eurovision staple: the save-the-world song. It's a mid-tempo acoustic ballad that increases in production as goes on. Not the strongest voice in the world, however, but it stands out in the same way Tom Dice's "Me and My Guitar" did last year.

16. Amaury Vassili - Songu (France)
Eurovision goes opera. Well, sort of. It sounds like a deleted song from Les Miserables. Which is no bad thing, by any means, but even Andrew Lloyd-Webber didn't take it to this extreme two years ago. Oddly, bits of it remind me of Whitney's "Didn't We Almost Have It All".

17. Blue - I Can (UK)
I've always liked Blue, even as soloists, and they haven't ditched the old formula. This would probably be their comeback single, Eurovision or not, but features a typically Eurovision message of positivity. It's modern and memorable, something we haven't entered in Eurovision for a decade or so. I like it. So there.

18. Eldrine - One More Day (Georgia)
Starts off like a Natalie Imbruglia album track before going all nu-metal, with a fusion of heavy guitar, screechy vocals and rap. Pretty good, if not amazing.

19. Loucas Yiorkas feat. Stereo Mike - Watch My Dance (Greece)
I guess Greece couldn't be bothered this year. A bizarrely-rhythmed mishmash that meanders when it moves outside of the (admittedly rather lovely) chorus, whilst verses are spoken, rather than rapped. In truth, a bit of a mess.

20. Daria (Kinzer) - Celebrate (Croatia)
The version I first heard was called "Break A Leg". Frankly, the old lyrics work better, as "Celebrate" makes it sound far more typically Eurovision, although the high-NRG dance-pop does that enough already. Frankly, it's the kind of thing the UK's been entering for the last decade.

21. Kati Wolf - What About My Dreams? (Hungary)
It's pure Eurovision- high energy, big production, big notes, key changes, repetitive refrains, and a damn catchy chorus. Right up my street, even if it's a bit old school for today's Eurovision. A definite favourite of mine.

22. Jedward (yes, really) - Lipstick (Ireland)
Having failed to even qualify past the semis in recent years, Ireland literally have nothing to lose at this point, and so have entered the truly terrible, talentless twins. Featuring the line "Am I heading for a car crash?" It's jumpy, rowdy, shouty and, although I hate myself for this, I can't get it out of my head. (Whisper it: I quite like it.)

23. Dana International - Ding Dong (Israel)
The transsexual winner of 1998 returns, with a far lesser track than the fabulous "Diva". But it's certainly far from a departure in style. I'll leave the ding dong jokes to Graham Norton.

24. Sjonni's Friends - Coming Home (Iceland)
A bizarre song that sounds like a bunch of drunken friends around a piano in a pub. It certainly stands out musically, and has an undeniable charm. A definite grower, as there's a great melody in there once you get over the silly oom-pah-pah production.

25. Raphael Gualazzi - Madness of Love (Italy)
So Italy are back for the first time this century. Having heard this, I really don't think they should have bothered. I'm picturing a drunkard singing to himself outside a Roman cafe. Customers are leaving in droves. Isn't there a manger or something to move him on? And the pay-off is that last note. Very good of him to hold it out like that, it's the gift that just keeps on giving. Truly painful.

26. Evelina Sasenko - C'est Ma Vie (Lithuania)
A big piano ballad. Nothing memorable, but sweet enough. It stands out amongst some of the rowdier tracks, but not really in its own right. And, despite its title, it is sung mostly in English.

27. Musiqq - Angel In Disguise (Latvia)
I seriously love this song. A decent, modern pop song with great production with swirling guitars and infecting, clappy beats. Strong vocalist too, sounding bizarrely like a cross between Blue's Duncan and Simon. Probably my douze points this year. Which probably means it won't get past the semi-final.

28. Zdob Si Zdub - So Lucky (Moldova)
Surely this year's comedy entry? Rowdy, shouty nonsense. I'm not laughing. Nil points.

29. Vlatko Ilievski - Rusinka (FYR Macedonia)
Oh dear oh dear oh dear. I don't even think this is a song. Someone must have just left the mic on in a pub. If I didn't know better, I'd think I'd heard this song every year.

30. Glen Vella - One Life (Malta)
Starts off brilliantly- great, anthemic synths, your typical Europop techno beat, a mid-tempo '80s vibe... but the chorus is a humongous let-down, and the track peters away, rather than live up to its initial promise.

31. 3JS - Never Alone (The Netherlands)
A proper big, bold, boyband ballad that starts off tamely enough before hitting an uplifting belter of a chorus. Fab. One of my favourites this year.

32. Stella Mwangi - Haba Haba (Norway)
It's basically a remake of Shakira's "Waka Waka", but better. African beats mixed with synth sounds and African chants. Think Whigfield does The Lion King. Insanely catchy, and very memorable.

33. Magdalena Tul - Jestem (Poland)
A good example of the up -tempo Eurovision clichés with a driving pop beat. It's okay, but basically a poor man's "Kiss You Off" (Scissor Sisters).

34. Homens da Luta - A Luta E Alegria (Portugal)
I'm convinced that it's songs like this that put people off Eurovision. It sounds like a group of middle-aged friends have decided to have a sing-song around a picnic table. Tolerable, for about 60 seconds, but please no second verse. Oh, do you have to...?

35. Hotel FM - Change (Romania)
Yes, the "change" does refer to changing the world. It sounds like it fell in from the 1984 contest. Sometimes these Eurovision clichés do indeed write themselves. It's alright, but... whatever. (Rolls eyes). Starts off sounding like a Take That song on which Mark Owen would sing lead vocals.

36. Nina - Caroban (Serbia)
A very retro vibe - think 1960s Carnaby Street. Pleasant, but really? In 2011?

37. Alexei Vorobyov - Get You (Russia)
Takes a while to get going, then hits a nicely modern vibe before reaching its air-punching "Oh-oh" chorus. I enjoy it while it's on, but struggle to remember it afterwards.

38. Eric Saade - Popular (Sweden)
High NRG Euro kitsch, with a critic-baiting title. Very memorable, and great fun. Probably the most "Eurovision" song in the contest this year. After my initial eye-rolling reaction, this has become one of my biggest growers.

39. Maja Keuc - No One (Slovenia)
A big, crashing piano ballad. Big, strong, dramatic production. Reminds me of Dima Bilan's "Never Let You Go" from 2006, but better. If you told me it was an unreleased recording from Christina Aguilera's "Stripped" album, I'd believe you.

40. Twiins - I'm Still Alive (Slovakia)
A decent, if sickly and repetitive ballad. Think Alicia Keys's "No One", but with a decent chorus.

41. Senit - Stand By (San Marino)
Eurovision goes country! Well, tries. Frankly, it goes nowhere fast. Sounds like "I'll Stand By You" (The Pretenders) at times, but has at least one line too many in the chorus. It's all rather bland and dull, but far from terrible.

42. Yuksek Sadakat - Live It Up (Turkey)
A likeable, if unremarkable mid-tempo rock track. It was a genre that worked well for them last year, but "We Could Be The Same" was a much better song.

43. Mika Newton - Angel (Ukraine)
A mid-tempo electro-ballad with a melody that deceptively gets under your skin by the end.