The Eurovision Song Contest 2011 Final

1. Paradise Oskar - Da Da Dam (Finland)
Not as nonsensical as it sounds- it's actually that Eurovision staple: the save-the-world song. It's a mid-tempo acoustic ballad that increases in production as goes on. Not the strongest voice in the world, however, but it stands out in the same way Tom Dice's "Me and My Guitar" did last year.
A Jeff Brazier lookalike, a guitar, a massive LED globe. A simple, but effective performance for a simple, but effective song. He sang it well, through it did drip of more than a little schmaltz, and came across more than a little smug.

2. Dino Merlin - Love In Rewind (Bosnia & Herzegovina)
A somewhat plodding piano track, lifted with some soaring strings and a nice vocal melody. A grower.
Good use of the LED screen, and they did the best to fill the stage. The vocals weren't quite spot on though, and it just didn't have the impact that the song alone has.

3. A Friend In London - New Tomorrow (Denmark)
An old-school, scarf-waving anthemic ballad with a very familiar melody.
Odd that they've placed a guy with a tall blond quiff on before Jedward. They actually did a decent job of selling the song for me- another one of the few that's moved up on my list.

4. Evelina Sasenko - C'est Ma Vie (Lithuania)
A simple, old-fashioned piano ballad, the kind of thing Ireland kept winning with in the 1990s. Nothing memorable, but sweet enough. It stands out amongst some of the rowdier tracks, but not really in its own right. And, despite its title, it is sung mostly in English.
She sang it very well, but it's still nothing to write home about.

5. Kati Wolf - What About My Dreams? (Hungary)
It's pure Eurovision- high energy, big production, big notes, key changes, repetitive refrains, and a damn catchy chorus. Right up my street, even if it's a bit old school for today's Eurovision. A definite favourite of mine.
Not a fan of the demented facial expressions, the surprising lack of stage presence, the horrid outfit, the disappointing vocals, and the loss of the second verse. But it's a great song. Honest.

6. Jedward - Lipstick (Ireland)
Having failed to even qualify past the semis in recent years, Ireland literally have nothing to lose at this point, and so have entered the truly terrible, talentless twins. Featuring the line "Am I heading for a car crash?" It's jumpy, rowdy, shouty and, although I hate myself for this, I can't get it out of my head. (Whisper it: I quite like it.)
But when performed live... Ah, THAT's the Jedward I remember from X Factor. Phew, I was really worried I'd enjoy that. The outfits were awful, the vocals were worse. Car crash indeed.

7. Eric Saade - Popular (Sweden)
High NRG Euro kitsch, with a critic-baiting title. Very memorable, and great fun. Probably the most "Eurovision" song in the contest this year. After my initial eye-rolling reaction, this has become one of my biggest growers.
The vocals weren't 100% but that performance just shot that song way up my list of favourites. Had no idea what Eric looked like before this, but he gave it his all.

8. Getter Jaani - Rockefeller Street (Estonia)
A nicely quirky pop song that mixes up carnival kitsch with military beats, guitars and a full-on, foot-stomping chorus. In fact, it seems to have three different choruses in one. An oddity, but one of my favourites.
A nicely energetic, colourful performance. But yikes on the voice. Not sure it sold the song in its best light, but still strong enough.

9. Loucas Yiorkas feat. Stereo Mike - Watch My Dance (Greece)
I guess Greece couldn't be bothered this year. A bizarrely-rhythmed mishmash that meanders when it moves outside of the (admittedly rather lovely) chorus, whilst verses are spoken, rather than rapped. In truth, a bit of a mess.
Nicely staged, strong vocals, handsome singer... but it's a very odd song, and the rapper is simply terrible.

10. Alexei Vorobyov - Get You (Russia)
Takes a while to get going, then hits a nicely modern vibe before reaching its air-punching "Oh-oh" chorus. Another slow grower.
You're fit, but my gosh don't you know it. Strong vocals, strong visuals, good song. Points off for the winks to camera and overdone choreography, but points back on for the effective lighting on the clothing.

11. Amaury Vassili - Songu (France)
Eurovision goes opera. Well, sort of. It sounds like a deleted song from Les Miserables. Which is no bad thing, by any means, but even Andrew Lloyd-Webber didn't take it to this extreme two years ago. Oddly, bits of it remind me of Whitney's "Didn't We Almost Have It All" mixed with Ravel's Bolero.
Unfortunately, his live vocals were off-key for the first half, and the staging was quite dull.

12. Raphael Gualazzi - Madness of Love (Italy)
So Italy are back for the first time this century. Having heard this, I really don't think they should have bothered. I'm picturing a drunkard singing to himself outside a Roman cafe. Customers are leaving in droves. Isn't there a manager or something to move him on? And the pay-off is that last note. Very good of him to hold it out like that, it's the gift that just keeps on giving. Truly painful.
The live performance added nothing.

13. Anna Rossinelli- In Love For A While (Switzerland)
A bright, summery, breezy, semi-acoustic folksy track. Very pleasant.
A nicely simple staging- two guys with instruments, pretty girl in the middle with bright summery visuals. A perfect match for the bright, summery song. The vocals were spot-on too.

14. Blue - I Can (UK)
I've always liked Blue, even as soloists, and they haven't ditched the old formula. This would probably be their comeback single, Eurovision or not, but features a typically Eurovision message of positivity. It's modern and memorable, something we haven't entered in Eurovision for a decade or so. I like it. So there.
I must admit I wasn't that keen on what they did to the first half of the first chorus, but they more than made up for it with the rest. And Simon Webbe's pecs didn't hurt.

15. Zdob Si Zdub - So Lucky (Moldova)
Surely this year's comedy entry? Rowdy, shouty nonsense. I'm not laughing. Nil points.
Hats off (or on) for the visuals. Eat your hearts out, Pet Shop Boys. Shame about the racket. Someone forgot to tell them it's a SONG contest.

16. Lena - Taken By A Stranger (Germany)
Germany have decided to re-enter the mockney girl who won it for them last year. But why on Earth this song was chosen is beyond me. I'm not sure I'd want to hear what its competitors were. It plods along with a Bontempi beat like a play-once b-side, going nowhere fast. It's not terrible, but only stands out in how it doesn't stand out. Very German in that it sounds like Kraftwerk (feat. Kate Nash).
As for the live staging, they gave it a nice cool vibe, but the song still goes nowhere.

17. Hotel FM - Change (Romania)
Yes, the "change" does refer to changing the world. Starts off sounding like a Take That song on which Mark Owen would sing lead vocals, then sounds like it fell in from the 1984 contest. Sometimes these Eurovision clichés do indeed write themselves. It's alright, but... whatever. (Rolls eyes).
They kept it all relatively simple, and the live vocals were strong. But it sounded SO old-fashioned, and not in a cool retro kind of way, like the Serbian entry.

18. Nadine Beiler - The Secret Is Love (Austria)
A big, big, showstopping ballad. Think Christina Aguilera's "The Voice Within" and you'll be in the ballpark. More so as it goes on.
It was a great idea to let the song sell itself. Nadine's vocals were excellent, and the sparkly staging worked brilliantly.

19. Ell & Nikki - Running Scared (Azerbaijan)
From the same songwriting team that brought you last year's fab Azerbaijan ballad, "Drip Drop". Again, it's a big, well-produced, mid-tempo ballad. Definitely one of this year's best.
And, much like last year's Azerbaijan entry, it's absolutely terrible live. The staging was all very dramatic with longing glances and pyrotechnic rain... but another one of the favourites might have just blown it.

20. Maja Keuc - No One (Slovenia)
A big, crashing piano ballad. Big, strong, dramatic production. Reminds me of Russia's "Never Let You Go" from 2006, but better. If you told me it was an unreleased recording from Christina Aguilera's "Stripped" album, I'd believe you.
This would have made a much bigger impact earlier in the line-up, as unfortunately Austria's singer out-performed her. She did a decent job, but didn't lift it into a winning league.

21. Sjonni's Friends - Coming Home (Iceland)
This song requires a quick story beforehand, as it may appear inexplicably popular. The original singer (and songwriter) Sjonni died just before he was due to perform this at Iceland's song selection competition. His friends stepped in to sing it for him, and got through.
It's a bizarre song that sounds like a bunch of drunken friends around a piano in a pub. It certainly stands out musically, and has an undeniable charm. A definite grower, as there's a great melody in there once you get over the silly oom-pah-pah production.
Despite being distracted by David Brent (played by Pauline Quirke), I thought they did a more than decent job of what must have been a very tough performance. Still not a fan of the song's overly folksy production, but there's a decent melody in there. They did their friend proud.

22. Lucia Perez - Que Me Quiten Lo Bailao (Spain)
I literally cannot remember the last time I liked a Eurovision entry from Spain at all, let alone this much. As they go, it's pretty good. Nicely traditional, catchy and largely inoffensive. I can't help but sing and move along every time I hear it.
They didn't exactly go for broke in the backdrop, but did some nice choreography. The voice wasn't great either, but the songs still rather pleasant.

23. Mika Newton - Angel (Ukraine)
A mid-tempo electro-ballad with a melody that deceptively gets under your skin by the end. I can't help but sing along every time.
Mika did an ace job with some very difficult vocals. Best use of the LED screen so far, courtesy of Ukraine's Got Talent. Inspired.

24. Nina - Čaroban (Serbia)
A very retro vibe - think 1960s Carnaby Street. Very pleasant, and another big grower.
The psychedelic 60s sound was matched perfectly with the colourful visuals and outfits. Keeping the stage bright worked well too as it held your attention much better than the previous, darker performances. Unfortunately the vocals weren't up to scratch on the final. The semifinal was way better.

25. Eldrine - One More Day (Georgia)
Starts off like a Natalie Imbruglia album track before going all nu-metal, with a fusion of heavy guitar, screechy vocals and rap. Pretty good; modern and musically relevant.
Odd costume choices, in that they looked like costumes, rather than clothes, but comes with a powerful, confident rock performance that fits the song.

Since I can't vote for the UK, my douze points would have gone to Latvia and dix to Netherlands. But now they're out of the competition, my points after the final is screened are as follows:

12 Sweden
10 Hungary
8 Russia
7 Estonia
6 Denmark
5 Ukraine
4 Ireland
3 Azerbaijan
2 Finland
1 Iceland

N.B. That list has changed quite a few times, and no doubt will change again. On songs alone, the list is different again- but the live performance is such an important part of the show, it has definitely been taken into account. But the be all and end all is the song, as this was my final order as voting closed.

The standing with the UK bookies as voting closed was as follows:
1. France (came 15th)
2. Ireland (came 8th)
3. Azerbaijan (winners)
4. UK (came 11th)
5. Estonia (came 24th)

I disagreed with the bookies' choice of France. I thought it'd win the 50% jury votes, but not so much with the public, especially the younger viewers. Based on crowd reaction in the semis, I had a sneaky feeling it'd be between the UK and Finland. My prediction for the top 5 was;

1. UK (came 11th)
2. Finland (came 21st)
3. Ireland (came 8th)
4. Russia (came 16th)
5. France (came 15th)

Okay, so I - along with pretty much everyone else - was way out. Azerbaijan was an early favourite of mine (as they were last year), but the live performances put me off the song. But I didn't expect it to do well, as it was a weaker song than last year's under-performing Drip Drop.

The Italian song (2nd) was utter bollocks, I'll never understand why it did so well, nor why the UK scored it so highly.

Glad to see Sweden do well, though. Popular is a great song and Eric Saade gave a strong performance, even if his vocals weren't 100%.

Ukraine came 4th, largely thanks to the beautiful staging, though I genuinely loved the song, even if some expect it to be due to family bias!

Denmark's scarf-waving anthem came a respectable 5th.

2/3 of the top 5 were Western countries, yet we're still hearing cries of political bias. If so, why did strong contenders Estonia come 24th? Even the mighty Russia only managed 16th with a Red One song. When these Eastern bloc countries got together to decide to vote for each other, why were these two ostracised? Or maybe, you know, it DIDN'T FUCKING HAPPEN. The top 5 were clearly the favourites all over the map.

Although I will admit, there was definitely some political voting. Cyprus gave Greece their traditional douze points, and Ireland got 12 points from United Kingdom.

See you in Baku next year for more dashed British hopes. Blue for #1! come on, who's with me? Anyone? Hello...?